Black Love, Or Lack of It

If you were asked to list the names of three black married couples, who would be the first to come to mind?  Will and Jada Pinkett-Smith? Barack and Michelle Obama?  Beyonce and Jay-Z?

Growing up an African American woman, I have always struggled with the shortage of visible images representing Black unity and marriage.  Its not to say that they don’t exist, because they do.  But being deprived of these images, especially in the media, has made the concept of a solid black family seem almost unobtainable at times.

Sure, we have “society-approved” or “token” Black couples who receive widespread attention and publicity.  And there’s nothing wrong with these images!  All of these relationships encompass a dynamic ingredient of success for a recipe unknown to many of us.  All of these relationships give us something to strive and hope for.

What is wrong with these images however, is the fact that none of them are close to home.

For many of us, these celebrity marriages are the only modern representation of Black love that we recognize and identify with.  

Naturally, a lot of weight is placed on these idolized couples to uphold expectations of an entire community.  They are expected to successfully stand as a symbol of a black love that many of us have not yet given up on.

But seeing that no relationship or individual is perfect, not all of these relationships or wholesome images last.  As the imperfections of these relationships begin to surface, our devastation becomes apparent.  And if or when any of these images come crashing down, sometimes the hope that we’ve invested into them come crashing down along right along with them.  Interestingly enough, the outrage we express at failed celebrity relationships often surpass the outrage we express at our own.  

If you are truly disturbed by rumors surrounding the potential fall of families such as the talented Smith family, ask yourself – “what am I doing individually in my own relationship to create my own strong, family unit?”  If the recent sexual assault claims surrounding Bill Cosby truly disgust you, ask yourself – “what have I done to help discourage environments and behaviors which applaud unwelcome sexual advances?”  And if you don’t care for Future’s immature co-parenting style, ask yourself – “how often do I display emotional maturity in my own?”

We need healthy images of Black love to be closer to home.  We might not be able to create these images overnight but we can’t create them at all with little to no effort.

What role does marriage play in your idea or image of family?

Sources and other media:  Smith family on Oprah, Marriage and the Black Community, ESSENCE 40 Black Couples,

 Nosy Josie