Dating Backwards: 4 Mistakes of 2015

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Do you remember when dating used to involve actual effort?  I used to feel this complete rush of excitement before going on a date.  Preparation was a must and depending on the caliber of the date, you could spend an entire day just getting ready for that one night.

A visit to the nail shop in the early afternoon was always required.  If you couldn’t make it to the salon, one of your “friendticians” had to hook your hair up.  And of course you had to fit in a trip to the mall for a new outfit!  Men were no exception; waiting hours at the barbershop for that fresh haircut or lining.  Blowing the dust off of the iron while spraying the air with Issey Miaki, Curve or Jean Paul.

The best dates were always a mystery.  Wondering if it would be a knock at the door or a phone call to alert you of his arrival. Would she be ready on time or would she have you waiting in the living room?  Not knowing where he planned on taking you (yes, plans were involved), you wondered… would you be holding hands at the movies?  Sharing laughs and stories over dinner?  Flirting and making bets while bowling?

All you knew was to be ready at 8 with one goal in mind…impress him…impress her.  We used to see our date as a trophy worth winning; not just another notch on our belt, a time-passer, or as a human ATM.  Most importantly, we were conscious enough to know that anything worth winning deserved strategy and effort.  So we put thought into our actions and we put thought into our words.

So what changed?  When did we start having to force ourselves out of bed to go on a date meet up with someone new?  When did getting to know someone become a burden rather than a pleasure?  When did we stop caring about what the person sitting across from us thought about us?  When did we develop these:


After being played and taken advantage of in so many dating accidents, its no wonder you prefer to ride shotgun in the relationship.  But if both of us are sitting in the passenger seat expecting the other to do all of the driving, how are we supposed to get anywhere?  Someone has to rise to the occasion and take a risk.  Seeing how effort is a two-way street, who better to step up than the both of you? 

How many times have you left a date feeling more unsatisfied than you came? Sacrificing the little time and money that you have only to be asked the same basic questions from your last date.  How much more could be added to our conversations if we stopped allowing our skepticism to tune each other out?  What if we spent more time engaging and less time uncovering what can be gained from the person sitting across from us?

Having a backup plan (or person) for our relationship goals sounds reassuring in the beginning.  Who doesn’t want something or someone to fall back on when their main plan goes wrong?  But how much of a chance are you truly giving your relationship to succeed when you’re distracted with maintaining alternative plans?  And what happens when you start feeling confident about your first choice?  In the words of Dr. Jeremy Dean,”options are more pleasurable in the beginning.  But once we’re on the road to success, options go from being a pleasure to a pain.”

On December 5, wife of NBA star Stephen Curry single-handedly started a war of the sexes with just 2 tweets.  Men wasted no time jumping at the opportunity to cosign on Curry’s tweets, stating how they themselves needed an Ayesha Curry; encouraging women to be classier in their style of dress.  If classy is your preference, so be it. But pleading for the “Ayesha Curry’s to surface” is somewhat misleading when your screen saver is a half-naked picture of Amber Rose.  If you ask Stephen Curry how he attracted his classy wife, I think its safe to assume it wasn’t that way.

Being with an “Ayesha Curry” means rising to the occasion and consistently staying there; not just doing the bare minimum.  Being with a woman of class requires you to treat a woman with class.  And before you say it…there has never been a shortage of classy women like Ayesha Curry.  Most likely you just walk past them if their looks don’t resemble hers.

 What mistakes in dating are you leaving in 2015?
Sources and other media: The Root, PsyBlog, Photo Credit: The Source

Nosy Josie

About nosy josie (88 Articles)
Josie is an aspiring writer living in Chicago Illinois, inspiring self-love through her own tragicomic life journey. Follow Josie as she details her collection of dating fails, life lessons and heart-to-heart confessions with her nosy readers.

26 Comments on Dating Backwards: 4 Mistakes of 2015

  1. I LOVE everything about this article !

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Got damnit yes ma’am! Love this post sis! Love love love it! n the words of Dr. Jeremy Dean,”options are more pleasurable in the beginning. But once we’re on the road to success, options go from being a pleasure to a pain.”

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Love love love this sis!

    n the words of Dr. Jeremy Dean,”options are more pleasurable in the beginning. But once we’re on the road to success, options go from being a pleasure to a pain.”

    Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Reblogged this on Poetic Art, Free Verse, Poetry & Haiku in fun mini series… and commented:
    good points…check out this post to see where you fit in…

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I do agree with the article cudos! I think dating went backwards when women began to conform to the actions of the “hoes”. What I man by this is that women were so desperate for that date they started putting out to get it. Now it’s an expectation that many cannot remove them self from. With some men they may be great ppl and have all the intangibles but not the right “look”. I have had personal experiences in both situations. A woman down playing my chivalry, and others saying your a great guy just not “my type”. As a society we are very vain and arrogant, only until we are alone do we say I just want a good person to date,spend time with, etc. I think with the changing times communication is more than anything let’s talk on the phone until we fall asleep, laugh hard, then go on a date. Give me your friendship, then we can trust each other and give our hearts.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hey Phil, thank you for reading and I’m glad you enjoyed it! I love the last line of what you said: Give me your friendship, then we can trust each other and give our hearts. There’s so much more truth in that then I’ve ever realized. Some of us spend years wondering how we could have avoided heartbreak or disappointment when the biggest way is to develop a friendship in which there would be a sense of loyalty to one another. For those women downplaying you chivalry – shame on them. Classic is beautiful, if you can find a way to hold onto that. Now as to whether women were responsible for dating going backwards…I would have to disagree lol (of course). You’re missing the onset of what made many women even consider conforming to those actions that you describe. People don’t wake up and decide to degrade and devalue themselves without reason – there is no pleasure or reward in that. For people to conform to anything, they have to either fall in love with the lifestyle that they are conforming to OR they must feel pressured to do so. And again, I’m sure that majority women did not fall in love with a lifestyle that subjects them to a life of disgrace and temporary love without reason. Lets hold each other accountable.


  6. Lawd…. This post speaks volumes… Lack of effort, textationships, and this microwave Netflix n chill generation have really done a number on dating… But we continue to press onward and upward … Love this Joc!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • So much truth to this. We are so lazy with dating these days – no one wants to contribute or invest into a date because they are so worried about being used (which is a logical concern too honestly ). The struggle!


  7. I agree with all of this, I think with online dating there are so many people it takes out the ‘specialness’ and when no one’s really making an effort it’s doomed. I’m am trying a new way, I am going to be more hopeful, take an emotional risk and instead of ‘dating’ I’m going to find partner.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wow! I’m surprised (and happy) to hear that. I think that the long term goal for us is really to find a partner…someone to experience life with us. Dating is great when its used to help us get to that point. But when used differently, it can be such a painful experience

      Liked by 1 person

  8. 100% SPOT ON!! Dating has morphed into something all together fact in my experiences, it’s almost not dating at all anymore. It’s social media, texting getting to know each other via date sites or apps then a meeting or two and either on to the next or relationship bound…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Christie! Thank you for reading and I’m glad you could relate. You’re not kidding – it seems like we can’t even give each other the courtesy of getting to know each other in person anymore. And most times, it seems as if the goal isn’t even to obtain a relationship with someone; just to experience “the experience of dating.” I would do anything to have things back the way they used to be. I don’t know if social media is 100% to blame but it sure feels like it.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Hi Josie,
    I just wanted to drop by and let you know I nominated you for the #Girl Love Challenge. Check out my post here

    Liked by 1 person

  10. “Being with a woman of class requires you to treat a woman with class.” – I love this line!
    On a more general note, the post is an eye opener. I’m sure that I’ve been guilty of not putting in enough effort myself, thinking what’s the point. But as you rightly point out, I need to leave this backward thinking behind.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Absolutely! When we take the step to even date someone (which is a big deal for me these days), its only right to put in the same effort that we would hope to get back. I deserve effort, don’t you? And if you don’t feel that person is worth it, its only fair to leave them for someone else who might see it differently, you know? We want quality love – and we can’t attract quality love with inadequate treatment :). I DEFINITELY have my reasons for having slacked in the effort department though lol. The main one being resentment. I would punish the new guy for the last guy’s mistakes. Someone had to pay! lol (the old me). What about you? Why do you think you haven’t put in much effort in the past?

      Liked by 1 person

      • Lol. I think my problem is I’ve never been able to end a relationship on a good note. Nothing ever seems to ring the happily ever after bell. So I’ve stopped trying for a while. I used to be very optimistic but then I realized guys always jump to conclusions about me. I guess my one failed long term relationship has left me cynical. I feel like I’m getting over it. And may be I will move on soon. Until then I’ve submerged myself in work, studies and my kid.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Ugh I can relate (almost). It wasn’t a long term relationship that left me cynical but rather a long term SITUATIONship. I always think I’m over it until something happens to show me otherwise. I sometimes wonder if the resentment will ever TRULY go away. I think there’s nothing wrong with submerging yourself in things that bring you peace and allow you to focus on you. I’m doing the same – except no kids lol and I’m focusing on my faith a little more now too!

          Liked by 1 person

        • That’s a good idea. Even I’ve started to focus more on my faith. It brings me inner peace. I hope it’s the same for you.

          Liked by 1 person

        • Yes it is :) I started a spirituality section on my blog (currently empty but the tab is there lol) so that I can encourage myself to do that more. I’d love it we keep each other on track and check in from time to time!

          Liked by 1 person

        • Sure thing. 😊

          Liked by 1 person

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