Dating Backwards: 4 Mistakes of 2015

Do you remember when dating used to involve actual effort?  I used to feel this complete rush of excitement before going on a date.  Preparation was a must and depending on the caliber of the date, you could spend an entire day just getting ready for that one night.

A visit to the nail shop in the early afternoon was always required.  If you couldn’t make it to the salon, one of your “friendticians” had to hook your hair up.  And of course you had to fit in a trip to the mall for a new outfit!  Men were no exception; waiting hours at the barbershop for that fresh haircut or lining.  Blowing the dust off of the iron while spraying the air with Issey Miaki, Curve or Jean Paul.

The best dates were always a mystery.  Wondering if it would be a knock at the door or a phone call to alert you of his arrival. Would she be ready on time or would she have you waiting in the living room?  Not knowing where he planned on taking you (yes, plans were involved), you wondered… would you be holding hands at the movies?  Sharing laughs and stories over dinner?  Flirting and making bets while bowling?

All you knew was to be ready at 8 with one goal in mind…impress him…impress her.  We used to see our date as a trophy worth winning; not just another notch on our belt, a time-passer, or as a human ATM.  Most importantly, we were conscious enough to know that anything worth winning deserved strategy and effort.  So we put thought into our actions and we put thought into our words.

So what changed?  When did we start having to force ourselves out of bed to go on a date meet up with someone new?  When did getting to know someone become a burden rather than a pleasure?  When did we stop caring about what the person sitting across from us thought about us?  When did we develop these:

FOUR DATING MISTAKES OF 2015: 

1YOU RISE TO THE OCCASION – I’LL WAIT HERE.
After being played and taken advantage of in so many dating accidents, its no wonder you prefer to ride shotgun in the relationship.  But if both of us are sitting in the passenger seat expecting the other to do all of the driving, how are we supposed to get anywhere?  Someone has to rise to the occasion and take a risk.  Seeing how effort is a two-way street, who better to step up than the both of you? 

2I WANT TO GET TO KNOW YOU – BUT NOT FOR REAL.
How many times have you left a date feeling more unsatisfied than you came? Sacrificing the little time and money that you have only to be asked the same basic questions from your last date.  How much more could be added to our conversations if we stopped allowing our skepticism to tune each other out?  What if we spent more time engaging and less time uncovering what can be gained from the person sitting across from us?

3THE INSURANCE PLAN – JUST IN CASE.
Having a backup plan (or person) for our relationship goals sounds reassuring in the beginning.  Who doesn’t want something or someone to fall back on when their main plan goes wrong?  But how much of a chance are you truly giving your relationship to succeed when you’re distracted with maintaining alternative plans?  And what happens when you start feeling confident about your first choice?  In the words of Dr. Jeremy Dean,”options are more pleasurable in the beginning.  But once we’re on the road to success, options go from being a pleasure to a pain.”

4I’LL TAKE AN AYESHA CURRY – BUT ONLY WHEN ITS CONVENIENT.
On December 5, wife of NBA star Stephen Curry single-handedly started a war of the sexes with just 2 tweets.  Men wasted no time jumping at the opportunity to cosign on Curry’s tweets, stating how they themselves needed an Ayesha Curry; encouraging women to be classier in their style of dress.  If classy is your preference, so be it. But pleading for the “Ayesha Curry’s to surface” is somewhat misleading when your screen saver is a half-naked picture of Amber Rose.  If you ask Stephen Curry how he attracted his classy wife, I think its safe to assume it wasn’t that way.

Being with an “Ayesha Curry” means rising to the occasion and consistently staying there; not just doing the bare minimum.  Being with a woman of class requires you to treat a woman with class.  And before you say it…there has never been a shortage of classy women like Ayesha Curry.  Most likely you just walk past them if their looks don’t resemble hers.