Day 17: List Your Highs and Lows of This Past Year
Hey nosies!
This day’s challenge literally made me cringe…who wants to remember their lows? Not I…and I have some extreme highs and lows at that. For the sake of my sanity, I’m only going to list one of each.
Lets see…
THE HIGH:
Last year I was laid off my job of 5 years, along with my entire office. Considering that all of my life decisions are made with a focus/goal of stability in mind, this event felt life shattering. I didn’t know if I was marketable enough to get another job in Chicago (in the same field) earning the same income or if I would even have enough time to search properly. The fear of having to return home was terrifying for me. You’re probably wondering by now, if I placed my “low” in the wrong spot. No…this is going to turn around and into a high lol. After the initial shock set in, moments later I felt a completely different set of emotions. I felt FREE and HOPEFUL. I went straight to my blog and starting writing about my experience and plans for my future – a future that consisted of pulling dreams off the shelf. I executed :) and my life hasn’t been the same since. My layoff resulted in my believing in myself once again and finally chasing after my dreams. What a high!
THE LOW:
Last year I also experienced the greatest heartbreak of my entire adult life. I spent a great deal of my 20’s in love with someone that I thought loved me back. I allowed the confusion of our…situationship to drive me crazy. I lost so much of my dignity, self-respect and self-control. I was still learning about love so I didn’t understand that losing all of those things would result in the exact opposite of what I wanted. He was the first man that I allowed to be both my friend and love, so to find out that he was in a relationship (and quite possibly engaged) when we spent time together hit me harder than any other betrayal. The things I sacrificed for him…I feel felt ashamed and embarrassed. It took a very long time for me to even begin to heal. And even still, its taking me just as long to forgive. Knowing that I loved someone more than I loved myself was my ultimate low point – not just the lowest of the year.
NosyJosie
mindjobusiness.com 
So sorry for everything that you listed for your low point of the year. That’s just a really shitty thing to deal with. But from what you’ve said about it, it already seems like you’ve learned so much about the experience. Don’t beat yourself up too much. We all do dumb shit when it comes to love.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re right. In our 20’s. But not in our 30’s :) – no maam I aont allow it lol. I’ve noticed that the stupidity seems to have been left with my youth. Lol
LikeLiked by 1 person
Being dumb in your 20’s is pretty much a given. I feel like it’s the only way you can learn.
LikeLiked by 1 person
No doubt about it!
LikeLike
Wow! I had no idea about the low… we’re gonna go ahead and add that to the win column though, cus it made you stronger :D ..I totally understand the hurt that comes with loving someone more than yourself. For me the worst of it was that, in retrospect, I was fully aware of it for longer than I’d like to admit and just didn’t change it. But, again.. my record for comebacks is 100% lol…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yeah…that low is a huge part of my life. Its amazing how something can be so monumental in your life but not have any weight to the other party involved. I love your concluding sentence – lol – nothing beats a 100% comeback baby! How did you start loving yourself again?
LikeLike
I was lucky, in that, I never really had that situation until I already had learned to love myself. it was the first time that I set that aside for someone else though. As it approached the tipping point, I kinda had a sit down with myself like “are you happy? you used to be such a happy person… is it this relationship?” and after about a solid week of introspection I made the decision that I couldn’t be who I want to be while shelving my self-love. it was hard though. I cried.. a lot! both for what I was losing, and for what I had allowed myself to lose already.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh wow :( … can I ask what made you set it aside for this person in the first place? What was it about this person or situation that made you want to make that sacrifice and were they doing the same? By the way, I love the phrase “shelving my self-love”…I’m going to use that (so be on the lookout).
LikeLiked by 1 person
Your high is great too! It’s funny how the anticipation of change is worse than change… change, itself, is usually extremely freeing once it happens! I’m glad you took that and made it a positive!
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re so right about that! I think there’s a certain comfort in the known but less opportunity for growth and expansion in it as well. I sometimes wonder how many awesome opportunities my fear of change has kept away. Do you?
LikeLike
I used to, but I don’t now..While I don’t necessarily believe that things happen for a reason (because I don’t believe in a master plan), I do believe that the path to where i’m going is paved with my past decisions. And i’m pretty happy with the direction my path is headed in. So nope! lol… :D
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow! It must be awesome to know what direction of your path is headed in. I feel like mine is still a mystery. But its interesting though…my dad talks to me often about how every move you make leads to this ultimate destination. And even though you don’t know where that destination is, if you trust the steps that you’ve been taking, then you can trust that your destination will be related to those steps. Something like that…does that make sense?
LikeLiked by 1 person
that makes perfect sense… youre dad sounds like a pretty smart guy :) I think trusting your own decisions is key in that scenario. I just read something earlier tonight that said something like “the warrior who trusts his own path doesn’t need to prove the other is wrong.” which is my outlook on life in a nutshell.. I trust where I am and where im going. and so other paths I may have taken are irrelevant.
LikeLiked by 1 person
My dad is so awesome lol. I really love your perspective on this. It reminded me immediately of insecurities and how they impact relationships. If I trust that I am a great woman to my partner, the other women that my partner encounters are irrelevant to me. I trust my role and I trust that you appreciate my role in your life enough to where I don’t need to consistently prove why I’m worth not cheating on. Does that make sense? I know I’m applying your theory differently but it just made me think outside of the box.
LikeLiked by 1 person
“If I trust that I am a great woman to my partner, the other women that my partner encounters are irrelevant to me.” Perfect application of the idea! you have no idea how many times i’ve tried to explain that exact idea to people lol.. but they always come back with “it’s not abut trust” and then I just exit the conversation lol
LikeLiked by 1 person
I really haven’t had a lot of highs.
Just not being sick is a high for me now.
Christmas and New Years were highs.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I don’t think we’ve talked much about your health. Is it personal or can you share?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have Lupus and Fibro.
Other issues. Asthma.
I just got over a battle with Cancer. I was lucky. It was in my ankle and they cut it out.
Chemo. No radiation.
I had stomach cancer 12 years ago.
Chemo and radiation then. I have one partially functioning kidney.
I am a mess right now.
I got the flu a few weeks ago and can’t shake it.
Danny got it as well. It’s allergy season …a bad one. That makes my asthma an issue.
My system just can’t fight anything right now. Until everyone at the park gets better. …Danny will just keep bringing stuff home
Everyone there as been sick since early last month.
It’s been crazy.
So even though I am staying home…staying away from everyone, I still pick up whatever is going around. …again and again.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow! SARAH I didn’t know that you were fighting so many things. You are a strong woman! Please tell me what had kept you through it all. If God, can you share with me what scriptures or thoughts of Him have done so?
LikeLike
No particular scriptures. I just enjoy doing Bible Studies.
I was quiet about it on the blog and then decided it was my blog and I started sharing.
I read in the Bible Daily. Well, almost daily.
I have recently started using the First 5 App from Proverbs 31 Ministry.
It as helped immensely.
I also read A lot.
I allow myself (not often) to get angry at God.
I let my feelings out and feel better.
I learned to do this after Bobby died.
LikeLiked by 1 person
People don’t understand that its okay to let yourself feel – and to let God know that you’re feeling something too. You can be expressive and respectful at the same time, yes. I did the same thing – started off quiet and then said “you know what, I’m going to talk about what I want to talk about on MY blog…and created a spirituality section.” Good for you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am happy you started living your dreams. It is very important and you are ahead in life for discovering your ability to do so in your twenties. The heartbreak, as awful as it is, will be appreciated one day when you find the love of your life. You are going through this pain so you will recognize real love when you are given it. Trust me I know! Hugs baby girl.
LikeLiked by 1 person
aww *hugzzz* thank you. I could never get enough of your encouragement :D
LikeLiked by 1 person