When Do You Throw In The Towel
Yesterday I lost my job. I’m unsure of what feelings are to encompass someone after a layoff but my emotions have been as chaotic as the day’s events. As with most life-altering changes, I gradually began to experience the “joy” of uncovering my surprises:
- Realizing that my heart still beats.
- Discovering that my “friend radar” was broken.
- Learning hard work doesn’t always pay off (at least not in Corporate America).
As the news was being delivered to me and my coworkers, it occurred to me that I would soon be losing so many friendships that took me years to embrace. I would no longer be able to chase Mr.Sagaille down with my personal Love Jones tales. Or stalk recently married Jason around the office for advice on how to snag my husband. There would be no more 5:15 pm debates with Mr. Walker about…everything. And when the next act of police brutality strikes fear and anger in my heart, I would have to find a different group to cry with.
While all of us were about to experience a life change, mine had just a dash of something different. I would most likely need to start packing my bags at home along with the ones at work. In 2011, I took a strong leap of faith and made a solo move to Chicago – a city that has challenged my every breath in order to pursue a dream. Here it is 2015 and I am still trying to catch my breath…dream still sitting on the shelf.
I won’t go into a sob story about my experience because that’s not what this is about. All month I have been plotting on how I could put that dream in motion in-between my 13 hour work shifts. I never came up with a solution. The only sensible option was to just move back home (the irony).
Now for those of you who embrace independence…or don’t care to be awakened by a vacuum at 9 AM, you can understand what a pill this was to swallow. I am 30 years old, with a crazy and energetic spirit. My lifestyle does not mirror the teenage one that most mothers assume their “babies” to still have. The last thing I want to do is send Mother Nosie to an early grave.
And my relationship…my love-hate relationship with Chicago is stronger than any relationship or friendship I’ve ever had. What this city has helped shape me into is both frightening and beautiful. In fact, many of the personality changes that I talked about in my last post Upgrade Your Personality were the result of my move to Chicago. The ones who read that post are probably thinking “um..you should probably leave then.” Yeah…there’s no debating that I’ve lost much of my softness in Chi-raq. Relocating would definitely enable me to get that “old me” back.
I don’t view this as a personal defeat. I’ve been forced to believe in myself. I have a lot of unmet goals in life and now I have an easy shot at pursuing them. Yet even with all things considered, I still hadn’t made up my mind that I was ready to throw in the towel. But now, after the layoff I feel pressured to decide.
Do I take this as a sign and just leave? Is taking this big step backwards, worth an unconfirmed step forward? Do I stay and fight it out the way that I always have or would I be stepping on my own two feet by staying here? I have 2 weeks to answer these questions and could use some help.
Have you ever had to start over with something? And how did you decide when it was time to throw in the towel?
mindjobusiness.com 
Sometimes retreating and regrouping are better options than running on a hamster wheel and getting know where fast. If moving back home gives some flexibility and I’m assuming financial freedom to regroup then their is nothing wrong with taking a step back to achieve your dreams. Just my two cents, I had to learn the hard way myself.
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Thank you Gary! The scenario that you painted is exactly what I fear by trying to tough it out here. I think that I’ve had my run in Chicago and its time for me to make my exit. Returning to Saint Louis would allow me to regroup as you say. Although I may get to my destination late, at least I would have a shot at staying there.
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I totally agree with GARYM6059. I have decided to move home with my mom next year for 12-18 months to buy a house for my son and I. I need the tax write off and can’t seem to save enough paying my bills and living expenses. It is about financial freedom to achieve my dream of home ownership. My mom is all for me buying my own home and supporting this dream. I’m thankful for that. The support from my friends on this move has been overwhelming. Sometimes you have to take a step back, look at your goals and create a new plan to achieve them. I’m 40. I don’t want to do it, but I have dreams and goals and a mother who is willing to help me. For that I am thankful. Don’t be discouraged.
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Thank you so much, seriously. A friend of mine showed me a list of successful people who started on their goals late in life. It really encouraged me to take a risk on myself and I’m glad that you decided to the same. One thing that I understand more than ever is that we won’t have the support of our parents forever…unfortunately. So if we are going to make a move, its best to do so while we have those loving friends and family in our corner to support us. Keep me posted on the house purchase, will you? We might have to find a venting outlet for when our moms drive us crazy lol
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Absolutely! I’m not looking forward to it, but thankful that I have my mom to support my dreams. I’m going to save and find every program that will give me FREE money. I told my girlfriend about my decision and she said that I’m lucky to have a mom who would let me do that. I told her that I would allow her the same when I close. She can move in with me to save for her house. I am a firm advocate of paying it forward.
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I think society has it in our head that we are supposed to have our whole life figured out by 30. I am learning that “idea” is just that, an “idea.” Your journey is yours alone an shouldn’t be compared to anyone elses. :) I did something something sort of similar as to what you are doing and I catch myself still thinking did I make the right decision. You have to do what is best for you, moving back home is not a set back it may be your first step to your come up. I understand no one wants to live with a parent again but as long as it is temporary you can make it through. We all need time to regroup, pray, and try to figure out the next steps of our life journey. I’m learning during the most uncomfortable times you really discover what you are made of and who God is. Don’t let pride or fear hold you somewhere you know you don’t belong. And besides no one said St. Louis was your “end point” when it could just be a resting/regrouping spot. And if your greatness is supposed to occur and manifest in St. Louis, what’s so bad about that? Lol Don’t be discouraged you got this. :)
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Thank you so much for your feedback! I’m sorry it took me a while to respond but as you can image, things have been kind of chaotic this week. You’re right – society does make it seem as if the plan should be laid out and have begun execution by 30. And although I know its not this way for us all, that expectation still adds immense pressure at times. I love how you reminded me of the beauty of the uncomfortable times :). I keep forgetting how my initial discomfort took me to Chicago and had me accomplish amazing things! So you’re definitely on to something…who is to say that returning home won’t allow me to do the same in a new chapter of my life. Thank you again <3
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Hey Josie, sorry for what’s happened . I feel for you. I think as much as you need our opinion, you should use the two weeks to listen to your inner you. I’m a strong believer in instincts. Listen to it right and it will guide you to happiness. Inhale…Exhale it’s gonna be fine I can almost see that.
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I took your advice and listened. Its funny because as I stopped thinking so much, I could sense what I needed to do. It was crazy. Then I made the list that AmIThirty suggested making and the pros significantly outweighed the cons – in direct alignment with my instincts!
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wow am so happy you put my suggestion into consideration. I love the fact that you are now able to see clearly just what you need to do. All the best hun :)
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Ah, sorry to hear about the layoff. That really sucks! As difficult as it is, in the end of the day you’re going to have to make the decision on your own. At least you have two weeks to really go over it. If this helps, I am a big fan of lists and I like going over the pros and cons before making a big decision.
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Thanks a bunch, it was definitely a surprise. I think you and Phiemyndz are right. I’ve been spending some time thinking over my decisions and I know what I need to do. I’m so nervous but I’m excited at the same time. I created a ton of lists (lol) and one side is significantly longer than the other :)
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Hey Josie,
So sorry to hear about your job, that’s a huge change for you, but I think your writing is amazing and you’ve obviously got a lot of strength and intelligence so you will use these things to make the best decision for you. You sound like you’re on your way to forming a plan and I’m sure you will, do the research, make the lists and then embrace the next phase of your life!
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You are the sweetest. I wish I lived near you so we could have grabbed a drink and went on a double lol. THAT would have made me feel much better lol. The blog entry would be epic! You are right, I have been researching and planning like crazy and I’ve already put the plan into progress. Updates will be coming soon. Thank you for your words of encouragement. Everyone here has made this so much easier to deal with. <3
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It’s never to late to start over. Networking is key you never know what’s available and not posted. As well many times there is something better in store, but you were in a stagnant situation. I’ve seen it time and time again. I look forward to reading your progress all the best.
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Hey! I tried networking and I have been surprised at the number of connections that I had available to be all of this time. I agree, being stagnant is no place to remain so this is definitely for the best. Thank you for the words of encouragement!
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Sorry about your job loss babe!
I think you should stick it out in the Chi. Personally, moving home would be harder for me to swallow.
Sending lots of love and luck your way ❤
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Hey hunny! Thank you because I’ve sure needed it lol. I want to stick it out here SO bad, you have no idea. So I haven’t given up just yet. I’ve put crazy effort into my Chicago job search this week also. If I have to go back home, you’ll need to blog on a weekly basis so that I can mentally survive. lol
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Wishing you the best of luck <3
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Josie,
First off, sorry to hear about the lay off but you know what?! I’m a big believer in everything happens for a reason! The universe has one less bad thing to throw your way and this might be a blessing in disguise. It sounds like you were on the fence of whether you should stay put so take this as a sign that you’re meant for greater things… Even if that means being home with your rents.
I think it’s hard if you’re prideful and are comparing yourself to other friends who seem to have life figured out. But you can’t compare! Everyone arrives at their version of happiness – you’re just now taking one of many life’s detours. Just take it one day at a time.
Best of luck and cannot wait to hear your next exciting chapter!
(Obnoxiously) optimistic,
Emily
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Emily, your optimism is never obnoxious lol. I think that comparison factor is one thing that makes this so hard to stomach…I keep looking at everyone who has achieved so much more at this stage in their life and I’m find myself wondering “what in the heck did I do wrong?!” But you’re right – my vision of happiness is my own, with its own path and I need to quit trying to walk down someone else’s. … that’s probably how I got in this mess in the first place lol. Thank you for being “obnoxiously” optimistic lol!
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I’m so sorry you lost your job sis. I know it never feels good when you have to start something new in such short notice or make big moves but I believe this only makes you one step closer to your dreams! The vision you have for your life is very much alive in your heart, I can read it through your posts and I totally believe God is orchestrating things behind the scenes to help make all of that line up for you. I pray that you stay encouraged during this time and whatever you do you keep moving in the direction of your dreams, I’ll be here to cheer you on along the way sis! God bless!
I totally believe there is something GREATER in store!
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Hi!!! I just love how reading this made me feel. Each day that I struggle with the reality of the situation, I get more encouragement by you guys to put things back into perspective. I am SO happy that I met you all :). Thank you so much for your prayers and please keep them coming because my spirit is definitely feeling a new peace :)
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<3
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You never throw in the towel. You just try again.
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I’m on it!
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I was in a similar situation myself about 3 months ago when I just up and left my job, but the company wouldn’t let me simply walk away. I was able to resign a few weeks later but they are still paying me until the middle of August. I was able to find a new full time job while working part time as a tutor. I think you should stay and forge ahead and see what else is out there for you. You seem to have a lot of good experiences and you can rely on that to open new opportunities for you. Put your best foot forward, keep your head up, and apply to all positions that you feel would be best for you. Also remember that now you have a chance to really take your time and pick our an organization that seems to be a great fit for you, there is no need to rush into anything. Best of luck and I believe you will be able to find something that fits your career and life goals
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One thing that you said which really stood out to me was “apply for all positions that you feel would be best for you.” I have gotten into the habit of only exploring options that I feel I’m “qualified” for. But not everything that I have invested my time into mastering is what is best for me. And the outcome often reflects that … maybe not in my work performance but definitely with my mental health and happiness. You’re right…this is definitely a time to change that. Thank you for the reminder :) . But how about you? It sounds like becoming a tutor was the fulfillment that you were looking for. Or was there a difference career path that you were seeking when resigning?
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The tutor job kind of helped me realize that I still love teaching so I am going back to that but I will be teaching at a private school. No more public schools for me, I have had enough!
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Yay! This is exciting news =)
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LOL yes I miss the days when you used to come to my website and discuss topics with me before I went insane
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lol are to back to your normal self?
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I don’t know what normal is but I suppose so. I have managed to open the eyes of many new people to things they never knew was going on in this world
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Josie,
It may not feel like it now, but sometimes what we view as setbacks are actually blessings. Something similar happened to my husband and me a few years ago, Without telling all my business to the Nosies on the internet, we ended up moving to Florida and it was one of the best things for us. At the time however it felt like the world was against us. It taught me to stop worrying and give my burdens to God. He is always right on time. I no longer worry about things like that, as important as they are, I just trust it will work out for the best. I also arm myself with knowledge and try to prepare for the next turn. I know I don’t live in a fairy tale so I need to do my part too. I hope that helps.
Smootches.
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It really does, thank you. I swear this experience has been an emotional roller coaster. Sometimes I feel positive and motivated and other times I feel scared and defeated. I try to come back to this post whenever I am feeling discouraged. Thanks sis -hugzzzzzzzzzzzz xoxo-
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I love your blog so much!!! I lost my job at 29, and when I turned 30, I moved to a new state where I knew 4 people, total lol. I left everything that I knew and even after 3 years, there are days that I want to pack up and move back into my comfort zone. But when I look at the life I’ve created for myself in Atlanta, I know I can’t go back to who I used to be and what I used to know. Things will get better! Never stop pursuing your passion and keep on pushing forward!
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Ariel, thank you so much and I’m glad you’re enjoying :D. Your story sounds so much like mine in the sense that I moved to Chicago, knowing 2 people and stayed for 4 years lol. I feel like you, that I can’t leave the place (physical location but also my emotional peace of mind) where I am now. Once you “escape” there’s no turning back if you can help it. Thank you so much for the encouragement. It means a lot to hear it from someone that has walked in my shoes :)
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Powerful ma’am! When things hit me hard I have to take time to myself. I gotta go within and listen to my higher power. That’s how I sort thru things and move forward. Thank you for sharing this!
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That is without a doubt the best way. I should practice it more lol
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Obviously you have already made your decision because I’m reading a post from almost a year ago haha but I know you made the right decision. I recently made the decision to move back home for a little while so I completely understand that feeling. But it’s necessary sometimes if we really want to take our dreams off the shelf. Anyways, I hope all if well with you! :)
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Hey Queen! Yes, I made the right decision :). I fortunately didn’t have to move back home but I did make the decision to take a heavy paycut in order for me to work from home. Juaquina…it was the best decision I ever made. I have been able to heal and took those dreams ENTIRELY off the shelf! I didn’t know what it felt like to be in love with a passion until now. No regrets :). How have things been going since you moved back home? And was your decision to do so because of a situation similar to mine or something different?
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That’s awesome! And very encouraging :) I actually don’t move back until April 1st, so I’m still preparing for that. I made the decision because I feel God telling me that my time in Pittsburgh (I’m moving back to Atlanta) is done. I feel Him leading me to pursue my passions (writing) full time. Unfortunately, that means sacrificing a little income momentarily until things get off the ground. It has been a process to accept it and decide to say yes to God. But now, I’m ready and actually excited to have time to simply live in my craft. And I’m so grateful to have a supportive mom that will allow me to do so. It’s a blessing. So, that’s where I’m at currently haha
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That makes me grin from ear to ear lol! I wish I could HEAR God more to hear what He wants me to do. But I WILL get there! He will definitely lighten your burden and the move will be easy because you’ll substitute “independence” with your passion of writing. Can’t wait to watch your experience! Make sure you write all about it to inspire others who are struggling to do the same :D
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Aw thank you so much! Encouragement is definitely needed lol I will definitely document the process for me :) And yes, I believe we hear His voice constantly…it’s just learning to detect it in this hectic world :) You will get there but in the meantime, it’s clear He is still guiding you step by step :) You keep writing, because your story is also very inspiring to me.
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I know this post is super old but the intention is still very relevant. I feel like the Universe, God, the all that is, has a funny way of guiding us through life. And it usually is very interesting, to say the least. It’s never linear or easy or simple. It’s all over the place. However, I think that whether it’s moonwalking back to a path that is very familiar to us or marching forward towards unknown territory, we are in constant change so our energy shifts with every movement, even if it feels like we are stuck or moving backwards. And frankly, it makes life much more exciting. I mean it seems like life would be super boring if we had our way all the time. Some plot twists are needed… at least in my humble opinion.
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You’re absolutely right! The plot twists of life truly add a much needed dynamic to our existence. When I wrote this post, I never knew I would be in the place where I am right now. Life is full of surprises and the more that we loosen the firm grip on our own plan, the more than we can embrace them. Thank you for sharing such beautiful insight!
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