12:09 am][ details matter.

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A few months ago (before I met my friend), I crossed paths with someone who I felt was worth stepping outside of my “no dating” comfort zone for.  This man and I – we were wrong for each other from the start.  And for so many reasons.  But I focused on the positive and ignored our red flags; hopeful that one of them would eventually turn white.  They never did.

Day after day, he would profess how much he cared for me while only showing interest in the surface parts of me.  “I just don’t care about the details.” he would say.  I felt confused. The details were all of the things that made me who I was: my likes, my dislikes, my past experiences, my beliefs, my ideas, my passions, my dreams, my past relationships, my upbringing, my relationship with my parents.  How could you care about me while not caring about the specific things that make me…me?

It didn’t sit right with me.  I started to feel distant…disconnected.  So I requested some space.  I needed to think.  Could I ever have a healthy relationship with someone who didn’t care about my details?

Well…today, I got my answer.  Not fond of space, he went against my request for privacy and raided my blog journals instead.  He didn’t like what he read and wanted to hurt me.  So he used the pain that he read about in my journals as ammunition.  He threw my past into my present to reopen closed wounds:

“whatever guy got married three months after dating you did a real number on you.”

Thankfully, I make peace with my past through each journal that I write – so my wound remained closed.  But his words gave me the answer I had been searching for.  No.  I could never have a healthy relationship with someone who didn’t care about my details.  Because the details are what humanizes us.  It’s what allows someone to caress our pain with patience, gentleness and understanding.  I love my blog family because I read your details.  I can’t help but to love you – no matter what you go through or what mistakes you make.  That’s why the details matter.

The funny thing is that I was always an open book; ready and eager to share my heart with him.  IF he cared about the details.  But if you have to read my journal to know my heart, you aren’t the one for me.  And anyone who uses your painful past in an attempt to hurt you doesn’t deserve you.

Nosy Josie heart JE7

About nosy josie (88 Articles)
Josie is an aspiring writer living in Chicago Illinois, inspiring self-love through her own tragicomic life journey. Follow Josie as she details her collection of dating fails, life lessons and heart-to-heart confessions with her nosy readers.

26 Comments on 12:09 am][ details matter.

  1. What a jerk. Where does he live? Lets gather a mob and destroy his little boy ego.

    I dated a guy [two dates] who turned a horrible communication situation around on me, blaming me for…hmm. I guess having an opinion and feelings? I don’t know. But it let me know that not only was he blind to his own shortcomings and/or would never admit them, but that he was a bit too quick to project that onto me. I am glad I recognized the red flags early on; I am willing to work with someone who is open to hearing about themselves but, clearly, with him I couldn’t deal. And I am glad you made peace with your past and you’re creating the best future for you while he’ll have to live with his shitty personality forever.

    Lastly, we love you too! I especially love you the most!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Ha! LOL. In all fairness, he is a very giving person and a loving person at heart. I truly believe he was operating off of hurt from what he read. We viewed our situation differently and although I did my best to communicate that, along with my feelings and needs, I don’t think he paid them much mind. He tried to make me happy – without listening to those things.

      He actually took your position (in the situation you mentioned above with the guy you were dating). He believed that I was making myself a victim and turning the situation around on him. He thought that I didn’t recognize my shortcoming and was instead projecting them onto him. I can totally see how it may have come off that way – because I never addressed my flaws with him. I instead told him why his flaw made me weary about taking things further with him. But I didn’t know how else to explain why I felt we were unmatched. Being direct might have been the best route with him – lesson learned huh? Either way, he handled it really shitty and it showed me his true colors. <3 you sis

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Class a douche that one dear. You are missing out on nothing. Details are the epitome of a person, anyone who shrugs at that is not ready to even love themselves much less another person. It’s good that your blog journals release you emotionally, no one can use it ammo. Frankly, no one can do anything to us that we don’t let them. Keep on keeping on sis.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m so glad you understand the importance of details! For a moment, I wondered if I was just being old-fashioned lol. But I agree wholeheartedly – they are the epitome of a person. In all fairness, he is a very giving person and a loving person at heart. But when you care about someone’s details – you don’t set out to hurt them. Which is why the details matter so much to me. He’s a good guy for a different girl – I honestly wish him well. Thanks for reminding me of the power I hold in my own – <3 ya

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m not an aggressive person, nor do I condone physical attacks…but I feel I could make an exception with this guy…I mean, how do you disregard someones’ feelings on top of not wanting to know the feelings they embrace? I’m happy you threw him to the side lol and the fact that he had to attack you via your blog shows that it got it got to him how you were doing better without him (what a narcissistic a**hole lol!)….and yes, your blogging family will always be here for you…strange how I find comfort in in talking to you even though we haven’t actually met haha!

    *******

    LOL! @ the stick in the bush analogy

    Liked by 1 person

    • lol the analogy is incredible, right? The perv in me couldn’t help myself :D.

      I didn’t throw him to the side lol – I just asked for some space =P. But I promise, he really isn’t a bad guy. He just made a bad call. He had his reasons – and although I don’t agree with them, I won’t hold it against him. Although I do love that you want to protect your Jo :D. If you would just remove the distance between us, my problems would be solved ha! The feeling is mutual :)

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I don’t understand how someone could not be interested in the details. The details are what make each of us so unique and special. Maybe he had a fantasy woman in his head and feared the details would shatter that image….? I think it’s bizarre. What a shame.

    He sure missed out on getting to know all of you.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. What a mean spirited comment. Truth be told some ppl will use anything to hurt. I just wish that there was a way to single all the genuine ppl out in the world put us in a bubble and let us live our lives. Lol. But, no, we have to meet ppl that attempt to remove the scabs, the band aid, someone that intentional picks at the wound. Sickening. And a person that can intentionally hurt me is never, ever deserving of my time and attention. Happy Sunday!
    Every detail of Me is me.

    Like

    • Hey doll! I miss you. And I agree with you completely about who deserves our time and attention. I wish I could take all of the bloggers I follow and who follow me and just put you in my pocket throughout the day lol. That would guarantee positive vibes throughout the day :D

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Completely agree. Details are so important. For the longest time I thought men are just like that. They don’t get into the details. But, then I realized that’s obviously not true. I’m sorry that you had to meet a guy like that and find out the hard way. πŸ˜•

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hey, welcome back to the blogsphere!! You were missed. And thank you for the reminder that somewhere in the big blue, a man cares about the why’s and what’s of my little life.

      Like

  7. tunisiajolyn84 // January 12, 2017 at 6:58 am // Reply

    Well he was an asshole. That’s the human part of me. Now the higher self would say, “Well he was definitely a damaged soul who wanted to spread his lower vibrations around and was threaten by your beautiful light and wanted to dim it down. Poor lad. He forgot that light shines on all his flaws as well and you saw them and left!” Yes, I agree. The details are the most interesting, fruitful part of relationships of any kind. He was just too hurt and frankly lazy to know that.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’ve met a lot of men who want to get to know me without really getting to know me. Its interesting how relationships work today – we want surface level EVERYTHING. I don’t understand that really…what’s the point of a relationship if you’re not getting to the soul of who you’re dating?

      Liked by 1 person

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