A few months ago (before I met my friend), I crossed paths with someone who I felt was worth stepping outside of my “no dating” comfort zone for. This man and I – we were wrong for each other from the start. And for so many reasons. But I focused on the positive and ignored our red flags; hopeful that one of them would eventually turn white. They never did.
Day after day, he would profess how much he cared for me while only showing interest in the surface parts of me. “I just don’t care about the details.” he would say. I felt confused. The details were all of the things that made me who I was: my likes, my dislikes, my past experiences, my beliefs, my ideas, my passions, my dreams, my past relationships, my upbringing, my relationship with my parents. How could you care about me while not caring about the specific things that make me…me?
It didn’t sit right with me. I started to feel distant…disconnected. So I requested some space. I needed to think. Could I ever have a healthy relationship with someone who didn’t care about my details?
Well…today, I got my answer. Not fond of space, he went against my request for privacy and raided my blog journals instead. He didn’t like what he read and wanted to hurt me. So he used the pain that he read about in my journals as ammunition. He threw my past into my present to reopen closed wounds:
“whatever guy got married three months after dating you did a real number on you.”
Thankfully, I make peace with my past through each journal that I write – so my wound remained closed. But his words gave me the answer I had been searching for. No. I could never have a healthy relationship with someone who didn’t care about my details. Because the details are what humanizes us. It’s what allows someone to caress our pain with patience, gentleness and understanding. I love my blog family because I read your details. I can’t help but to love you – no matter what you go through or what mistakes you make. That’s why the details matter.
The funny thing is that I was always an open book; ready and eager to share my heart with him. IF he cared about the details. But if you have to read my journal to know my heart, you aren’t the one for me. And anyone who uses your painful past in an attempt to hurt you doesn’t deserve you.
Nosy Josie JE7