Were You The Best Choice Or The Second Choice?

Posted on June 1, 2015

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A few weeks ago I turned 30 – the big 3-0 – flirty 30 – dirty 30 – doomsday. I’ve heard hundreds of people talk about 30 being a turning point in their lives. This was the year that I would evaluate all of my past mistakes and then spend all year trying to fix them.  Great.

Sure enough, like clockwork I felt myself overwhelmed with reflection and regrets.  And seeing how I had just gotten out of a relationship (or the closest thing that I’ve ever had to one), the lack of love in my life was the first regret triggered.  Here I was, at the peak of my adult life with no possible “anyone” to start a future with.

Being the Taurus that I am, my brain immediately went into solutions mode.  How can I fix this?  How can I flip the script?  Hell…who could I recycle?  Like a torpedo, all of the men that I’ve ever dated came rushing to my mind at once.  And before I could pump the brakes, the questions of doubt took over.  Was that really a good reason for us to stop dating? Maybe I overreacted a little.  Maybe it WAS the liquor. At least he was honest with me about it. The arguing wasn’t really THAT bad. I wonder if he can pay his own bills now…

What if I had let go of someone I shouldn’t have?  Of course there would be others but how many others?  According to a 2012 poll I stumbled upon, the average person falls in love only four times in their life – four times!  I don’t know about you but with my dating history, it’s more than likely that I missed that bus already.

Now I know it may seem audacious for those of us with our fair share of dating blunders to have preferences but some of us would still much rather be with one of the four loves of our life; not the runner-up.  Could you honestly see yourself moving forward with someone new,  when in the back of your mind you know that you’ve experienced someone better for you?  That if you would have just tried harder with your ex, your love would have been euphoric.  How many of you are in a relationship, wishing that you would have tried harder to work it out with your ex?  How many of you are settling?

Of the 2,000 adults interviewed in the before-mentioned poll, many admitted to settling with their current partner.  They admitted to feeling as if they had already missed out on the one. Glamour magazine surveyed 1,002 men and found that 32% of them regretted breaking up with their partner.  And a fairly recent UK study of 2,000 divorcees found that 50% of the divorcees wished they had never ended their marriage.  So apparently I’m not alone in questioning my past decisions.

No one wants to settle…and I’m sure no one wants to be the one their significant other settled for.

How confident are you that you didn’t miss out?

Sources and other media:  Huffington Post, Daily Express, Daily Mail, Wintery Knight, GLAMOUR

  NosyJosie

About nosy josie (88 Articles)
Josie is an aspiring writer living in Chicago Illinois, inspiring self-love through her own tragicomic life journey. Follow Josie as she details her collection of dating fails, life lessons and heart-to-heart confessions with her nosy readers.

68 Comments on Were You The Best Choice Or The Second Choice?

  1. garym6059 // June 1, 2015 at 11:52 am // Reply

    Since I’m freshly divorced kind of hard to come up with a solid answer. Good to see you bag in the blogosphere though!

    Liked by 1 person

    • nosyjosie // June 1, 2015 at 7:38 pm // Reply

      ahhhh you know I wanted to hear from you more than anyone lol! But you can revisit that question later. I am back, yes. I was away in deep thought about my 30’s :)

      Liked by 1 person

      • garym6059 // June 1, 2015 at 8:20 pm // Reply

        I’ve loved one person my whole life I’m 38 was with her since I was 20. Check with me in a year LOL, right now I’m enjoying being single :). Welcome back and 30 isn’t that bad although I struggled with it myself.

        Liked by 1 person

        • nosyjosie // June 1, 2015 at 11:03 pm //

          That’s so much of your life Gary…goodness. I don’t want you to have too much fun being single now lol. Some lucky lady needs to find you ;). And please feel free to send any “omg I’m 30” tips my way. Post them right here, in fact. LOL. I feel like I’m going through a mid-life crisis for heaven’s sake.

          Liked by 1 person

        • garym6059 // June 2, 2015 at 6:08 am //

          It’s a transition from being an adult kid to you know an ADULT. It’s fine you are intelligent you got this. You will get over it in a week or two. It’s just a number you are only as old as your feel.

          Liked by 1 person

  2. yesanother20something // June 1, 2015 at 4:00 pm // Reply

    ahh love it!! I’ve definitely settled for a partner before thinking it was the best thing for both of us! Way more common than what people would admit too! x

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Jixi Fox // June 1, 2015 at 10:31 pm // Reply

    Hmmmm so the post now exist. Yay

    Liked by 1 person

  4. RawMultimedia // June 1, 2015 at 10:35 pm // Reply

    Very interesting post…I got me thinking… What if…

    Liked by 1 person

  6. thejamielea // June 1, 2015 at 10:50 pm // Reply

    I think fear is the main reason people look back on past relationships and worry they may have made a wrong decision. I have faith that everything happens for a reason. Even if the reason is that we are young and stupid and make bad decisions :)

    Liked by 2 people

    • nosyjosie // June 1, 2015 at 10:57 pm // Reply

      lol yes. Or to get beautiful babies from them!! :) I think you’re right on with the fear. For me, its the fear of the unknown…the possibility that I might go through my ENTIRE life without someone to share it with. When you look back, do you feel that you might have missed out on a true love? Or feel like things would have worked out if you were back then, who you are today?

      Liked by 1 person

      • thejamielea // June 1, 2015 at 11:11 pm // Reply

        If I had stayed with my first love I would probably be selling t-shirts at concerts for pot. I had one person I had a serious connection with that I never pursued, but I was also a lot younger and we are in two very different places today, both in our lives and geographically. I’m scared I might have missed love because I wasn’t paying attention when I bumped into him at the grocery store or something.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. BecHanson // June 2, 2015 at 1:30 am // Reply

    What a relief, I’ve been in love three times, I’ve got one left, better make it work though (no pressure)!

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Am I Thirty? // June 2, 2015 at 8:29 am // Reply

    There are a few people I’ve dated that I look back on and think that I shouldn’t have given up on so easily. There are some guys I ended things with for really ridiculous reasons. But maybe I’m still just a hopeless romantic but I believe I haven’t found the one yet. I think when I actually find the one I won’t be looking for ridiculous reasons to end it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • nosyjosie // June 2, 2015 at 9:08 am // Reply

      You know, I can honestly say that it didn’t take much for me to end things with guys in my youth. All they had to do was come late to a date and it was all over for them lol. Youve got a point there. But that’s why I wonder if I missed my chance in my youth, by looking for those ridiculous reasons. It’s like college…you shouldn’t give me my shot at it until I’ve figured out more about who I am and what I need. Now I’ve wasted all this money and time and have nothing to show for it lol. But that was still my shot, you know? I don’t know if love only presents itself when we are mature enough to handle it. I sure hope you’re right though. Because now I’ve got it together…I’ll let you be 15 min late to the date lol!

      Liked by 2 people

      • Am I Thirty? // June 2, 2015 at 9:31 am // Reply

        It’s definitely different dating when you’re older. For myself, I feel like I’ve finally gotten to that point where I’m more open to the idea of love. In the past with dating, I’ve been really closed off. I don’t know if it has so much to do with being mature or not (a lot of immature people genuinely fall in love). But I just think that love comes to different people at different times in their lives.

        Liked by 1 person

        • nosyjosie // June 2, 2015 at 9:53 am //

          yeah, you’re right actually. I fell in love hard when I was younger. So I guess this means we will just have to wait and hope that we didn’t miss anyone special!

          Liked by 1 person

  9. african_skinhead // June 2, 2015 at 12:38 pm // Reply

    Truth is that you aren’t really missing much by living a life of solitude. As a misanthrope, humanity isn’t worth any more investments and that includes a love life and relationships. I have been in love 3 times and I can say that I am very glad I ended those relationships before it took me away from my ultimate goals of nihilism and misanthropy. As for age, that’s no problem either, I am already 29 years old and probably won’t be alive much longer. So no need to worry for you are already farther along compared to me

    Liked by 1 person

    • nosyjosie // June 2, 2015 at 1:34 pm // Reply

      I remember you schooled me on your lifestyle and nihilism before. So I won’t panic when I hear you say that you won’t be alive much longer – although I don’t like when you say it. So if you were to meet someone that you became fond of, and enjoyed being around and talking to….someone who was also a nihilist….you would reject any feelings that you were developing?

      Liked by 1 person

      • african_skinhead // June 2, 2015 at 1:42 pm // Reply

        If i were to meet a nihilist like myself, i wouldn’t dare even consider a relationship with them, maybe a friendship but not a relationship of love. For love will lead to further weakness in my life. As for yourself, you need not worry about if you will ever find love. You are an extremely beautiful person and based on the laws of probability for those who are attractive, you will have the chance to find love at least 3 more times. So, just wait a little longer if you want to find that perfect partner (or as close to perfection as one can find)

        Liked by 1 person

  10. meghanworld23 // June 2, 2015 at 10:30 pm // Reply

    I loveeeeed this! It does seem like the other you get the more you worry about your future. Will I get married? Will I have children? Do I still have time? It can be very stressful! But I would never go back to an ex! I think if there was a reason for you to leave then you shouldn’t look back. Some people can change over the years, but some people can be a repeating cycle.

    Liked by 1 person

    • meghanworld23 // June 2, 2015 at 10:30 pm // Reply

      Older*

      Liked by 1 person

    • nosyjosie // June 2, 2015 at 11:34 pm // Reply

      Meghan, thank you! I’m so glad you liked it. It was written from the heart lol. Those fears you mentioned are the exact ones that I have. I try really hard not to think about them because they put me back in the situations that I chose to leave (clearly for a reason). There is 1 person that I always kept near to me because I was hoping to see that change in them, but I can tell that its never going to happen. THEY are a perfect example of a repeating cycle. Thanks for commenting!

      Like

  11. authorcherie // June 2, 2015 at 11:21 pm // Reply

    Being the best or second, yes is a choice. It’s a choice of settling or satisfaction. Where does your happiness stand? You can settle on satisfaction or be satisfied in your settlement. The choice is yours. Age may be nothing but a number, but I am not the one, two or three to fall in line. I always choose to be THE BEST. So, if I am not THE BEST, like someone once said, I “Keep it movin.”

    Liked by 1 person

    • nosyjosie // June 3, 2015 at 12:17 am // Reply

      “You can settle on satisfaction or be satisfied in your settlement” – speaking all truth, love it. I definitely love your attitude. I remember reading a comment that sticks with me to this day… “if you have to question whether or not you want to be with me, then don’t.” I don’t want to be the one someone settles for. I don’t want to know that you just “gave in” with me. Do you feel like you’ve missed out on the man that could have been right for you? Or do you feel that you haven’t yet met him?

      Liked by 1 person

      • authorcherie // June 4, 2015 at 1:23 pm // Reply

        Thank you! Much appreciated!
        Preach it! 😃 A lot of people second guess themselves. And taking a trip down the “If, then…” road always leads to doubt. Nor, taking a trip “back down memory lane” with doubt isn’t good either. I turn that doubt into delight, focusing only on the positive and taking the bad as a learning lesson for good. In past relationships I used to think IF I made them ( them meaning family, friends and the man) happy, THEN they would make me happy. That didn’t happen. After yearz (yes, with a “z”) of dating, thinking every man deserved a chance, I realized that didn’t work either. Now, my wants and my needs are my happiness 😄 So, I don’t feel I’ve missed out at all; they missed out on a good thing…ME!😉

        Liked by 1 person

        • nosyjosie // June 4, 2015 at 3:44 pm //

          I heard that! Since we can’t go backwards, we can take that attitude with us as we move forward with our new relationships. Hell…if I was that “boss” when I was dating back THEN, I would have been married by now LOL. But….NO looking back :)

          Liked by 1 person

      • authorcherie // June 4, 2015 at 3:55 pm // Reply

        Lololol Guuuurl! Lol Just think, if you were THEN what you are NOW, possibly married and divorced by now. Like the song, “it takes two to make a thing go right.” Lol

        Liked by 1 person

  12. LaToya // June 3, 2015 at 2:29 pm // Reply

    Josie Josie Josie! Love this topic and I spoke to you about how I “settled”during my 1st marriage and to be quite honest I was that one that kept trying to make the marriage work and always thinking that things were wrong maybe because of me. Honey!! I was happy with my divorce because I “settled” for anyhing in thay marriage and now I couldnt be happier with my new love! I am giving marriage a “2nd chance” (many many years later) and the way I feel now, was not the way I felt during my 1st marriage. Im not going to say that this was an easy transition for me because it wasnt. My guards were up so high that when my now fiancee would compliment me or say something nice I was ready to be defensive. You will know when true love comes knocking at your door and it may not happen as quick as you want but believe me it will happen.

    Liked by 1 person

    • nosyjosie // June 3, 2015 at 3:45 pm // Reply

      LaToya! Thank you for sharing your personal story. I think for all of us who are holding onto something too tight, or forcing a relationship to work for whatever reason…your story is a perfect example of how letting go of the wrong relationship can allow us to move into the RIGHT relationship. Its comforting to know that love can come later in life too – that it doesn’t have to be when we planned. If you would have settled, you would have missed out on your true love. Congratulations on your new relationship and journey! And thank you for commenting :D

      Like

  13. Berteau // June 3, 2015 at 3:23 pm // Reply

    First and foremost, let me start by acknowledging that this is my very first post to a blog….ever! So, Nosey…you must be some kind of special if I’m posting this right now! Anyhow, moving along with the topic of discussion. I, myself, have had past relationships with women I felt I was happy with knowing that at some point this prooooobably isn’t going to last very long. Why? I was settling for what I thought was good for me at that time. All but two, I probably could have done better to save the relationship, and maybe…just MAYBE things would have been different. But you can’t live life thinking what could have been. You have to think of the present and what you will do to change for what lies ahead. The woman who I am married to now, came into my life shortly after a 3 month stint of being single and I haven’t looked back since. I’ve learned a LOT, been around the block a few times and been hurt in the process, but I’d be cot damn if I feel like I settled after 13 years! lbVs!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • nosyjosie // June 3, 2015 at 3:50 pm // Reply

      lol! Well thank you Berteau for breaking into new territory with us. I love your feedback. It sounds really similar to LaToya’s (above) actually in that both of you decided not to harp on the past and decided to live in the moment. Doing so is what led you both to your spouse! Letting go of the past sounds so much easier to say than to do though. How did you (and LaToya if you’re reading this, you too) manage to let go of the old boo’s and move forward? How did you stay focused to keep pressing forward and NOT to pick up the phone and call that ex?

      Like

  14. Berteau // June 3, 2015 at 6:48 pm // Reply

    It’s called putting one foot in front of the other…and move on! Depending on how serious the situation was, some people handle separation of a significant other or spouse differently. At some point, you’ll have to get over it. You can’t carry old baggage into a new relationship. That’s a recipe for disaster. You just gotta be real with yourself and the situation. If it don’t fit, you must acquit!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Jackeeluvz // June 3, 2015 at 6:58 pm // Reply

    Thought provoking to say the least! Is it normal that I’m sitting here writing a list of my exes and thinking about the one that “got away”?

    Liked by 1 person

    • nosyjosie // June 3, 2015 at 7:43 pm // Reply

      haha! Of course. How do you think this post came to be? Lol Jk ;) . Looking back, do you think the one that got away would have been better for the person you are today?

      Like

  16. authorcherie // June 4, 2015 at 8:22 pm // Reply

    Reblogged this on allinthenameoflove blog and commented:
    Being the best or second, yes is a choice. It’s a choice of settling or satisfaction. Where does your happiness stand? You can settle on satisfaction or be satisfied in your settlement. The choice is yours. Age may be nothing but a number, but I am not the one, two or three to fall in line. I always choose to be THE BEST. So, if I am not THE BEST, like someone once said, I “Keep it movin.”

    Like

  17. Lisa W Tetting // June 5, 2015 at 5:29 pm // Reply

    Josie, you are overthinking this thing. Lol. Love happens naturally and often times when you’re not looking for it. If you let that person go in the past that is where they were supposed to be.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Lisa W Tetting // June 5, 2015 at 5:29 pm // Reply

    Oh and BTW I nominated you for the 5 photos in 5 days challenge: https://rebirthoflisa.wordpress.com/2015/06/05/5-days-5-photos-challenge/

    Liked by 1 person

  19. authorcherie // June 6, 2015 at 6:41 pm // Reply

    Lolol Oh, yes! Nothin’ like a choclate, vanilla or mocha almond fudge “Magic Mike” can’t fix! Lol I GOT YOU!! ;)

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Aaron M. Powell // June 10, 2015 at 1:10 am // Reply

    I feel like I’ve met one of those 4 people we fall in love with, but that ended in a divorce. Which I’m good with these days. Oddly enough just like the poll mentioned, my ex wife is one of the 50% that regret letting it end. She’s asked me a few times if it was worth salvaging but as tempting as it was to go back, some things just can’t be easily forgiven and forgotten. We’re better off apart

    Liked by 1 person

    • nosyjosie // June 10, 2015 at 1:20 am // Reply

      I love how everyone here has the same idea that a relationship of the past is better left there. The situation with your wife just goes to show you that even if something may be worth salvaging, it doesn’t mean that it CAN be salvaged. Since you still have 3 more chances left (according to the poll lol), you’re in a better place than some. I wish you luck in love and thank you for commenting!

      Like

  21. nosyjosie // June 10, 2015 at 7:32 am // Reply

    Reblogged this on mind JO business and commented:

    since this did not show up in the feed yesterday, I am reblogging!

    Like

  22. Lisa W Tetting // June 15, 2015 at 7:29 pm // Reply

    Starlight, star bright first star I see tonight….. Congratulations, I have nominated your blog for the Starlight Award. Click this link for the details: https://rebirthoflisa.wordpress.com/2015/06/15/starlight-award/

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Lisa W Tetting // July 6, 2015 at 2:11 pm // Reply

    I am HAPPY to report I have nominated you for the “Dragon’s Loyalty Award”! Congrats. If you choose to accept you can read more about the award here https://rebirthoflisa.wordpress.com/2015/07/06/dragons-loyalty-award/.

    Like

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