Situationship Under Control

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Why does society like to place such unrealistic expectations on women when it comes to dating? Every time that we turn on the radio, we’re constantly encouraged to choose between the role of side-chic or friend with benefits.  

And now you have movies like The Perfect Guy issuing out death sentences for women who challenge their non-progressive relationships. I’m being dramatic, of course but that truly was the premise of the movie.  Most of you were too busy drooling from the on-screen eye candy to take notice, though ;).  Between music and film, 

women are almost being force-fed the concept of “loosening up” or settling.

It wasn’t until I saw The Perfect Guy that this really hit home. After 2 years of “wonderful” dating, Dave was still unwilling to offer his girlfriend Leah a solid, long-term commitment.  It didn’t matter how many work parties that she took him to. It didn’t matter that he had a key to her house or that he referred to her house as his home. It didn’t matter that she cleared out an entire closet for him to hang his clothes.  A long-term commitment was just not in his plans.  And he made it perfectly clear that discussing it wasn’t either.


But even with his unwillingness to work toward a resolution, Dave still expected Leah to stick around and go with his the flow.  And because Dave is a good man, half of us expected the same.  Forget how doing so, at the age of 36 could jeopardize her chances of having the family that she’s always wanted. I think sometimes we feel like there’s such a shortage of good men, that we allow that to be our only criteria when dating…as if nothing else matters.  But sharing similar life goals is important too.

Like many of us, Leah offered all she had with the expectation that her man would do the same.  But no matter how much you plan for a certain outcome, you can never guarantee it.  Instead of offering her a resolution, Dave gave Leah excuse after excuse while in the same breath asking her not to leave. Sound familiar?  People will give you 100 reasons why they’re not ready to commit to you.  The moment you get up to walk away, there’s suddenly 100 reasons why they can’t live without you.  But a man’s intentions are never that complex or complicated.

If he wants more from you, you’ll know it.

As frustrating as it may be, you can never control where someone else’s head or heart is.  But you can control what you put into your relationship and how you respond to what’s being offered back.  Leah realized this and made a decision to no longer settle for a glorified situationship.

So although the movie title would lead you to believe otherwise, Leah wasn’t looking for the perfect guy when she left Dave.  She was looking for a man that wouldn’t keep their relationship in limbo for another 2 years.  For that, I say she deserves a hand-clap and a glass of wine.  The writer, however felt a psycho-killer boyfriend would be more fitting…men.

 When have you had to make a similar decision in a relationship or situationship?

Sources and other media: The Perfect Guy movie trailer, Extend it or End It, 5 Truths about Your Heartbreak


About nosy josie (88 Articles)
Josie is an aspiring writer living in Chicago Illinois, inspiring self-love through her own tragicomic life journey. Follow Josie as she details her collection of dating fails, life lessons and heart-to-heart confessions with her nosy readers.

31 Comments on Situationship Under Control

  1. I think that dating has turned into a game. Now this is coming from someone that doesn’t date much, but this is just what I see constantly. I think we (women) have to lower their standards because of the shortage of men. Men have wayyyy to many options when it comes to dating. They can typically get whatever chick they they are looking for.

    That seemingly “perfect” guy is the guy everyone wants. Can you imagine how easy it is for him? And I am sure he knows it.

    Sometimes I am disgusted with how much we (women) do to get a man but I obviously understand why. I don’t think men are really forced to be a “man”. We don’t hold them accountable for their actions as much as we should. We allow ourselves to become the friend, side chick, booty call, ect. When we really want to be wife and girlfriend. Now their are always exceptions. Of course, but just imagine if we denied unearned affection or forced them to actually date us or moved on, or held them accountable for not being chivalrous. Women united! lol. Then we could maybe escape the “im not ready” guy. No need to move forward if you not ready.

    I know you cannot force anyone to be ready, but we really have to invest what is given. Maybe setting more boundaries would stop us from always being on the losing end.

    Just my immediate thoughts but I will comment again once I think about it in more depth. lol.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I can’t wait to respond to this! In the meantime, read this – its dead on with what you’re saying:


    • Dating has definitely turned into a game; one that isn’t even for women unless you ARE looking for something without substance. I know that there are a lot of women without standards as well but a strong amount of women actually reach for excellence when setting the bar for themselves (even if they do make mistakes from time to time). Being able to pick and choose from a smorgasbord of women is also the reason that men can give up on their relationships so easily. Why fight so hard to keep a good woman when you can just migrate to the next one?

      In the end, we end up investing so much to keep this “rare specimen” of a man but the same courtesy isn’t extended to us (unless we play hard to get, of course). What really blows me away about this is that the woman may actually be a BETTER catch than the guy she’s seeing but because he is a diamond in the ruff, that truth is easily forgotten or overlooked by him. In turn, you end up treating him as if he is the prize when really its you.

      But what I HAVE witnessed is that if you’re holding the right man accountable, one that’s truly great, he recognizes your greatness too. Everyone, I feel will try to test the waters with you. But if you’re dealing with the right man, he will come correct when you shut that mess down. SO I agree with you that women should hold men accountable. And YES, if we banned together – we women would be SO much happier in the end.


  2. The expectation is placed on the women. Let start placing it on the men.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Certain men will literally ask you to go against your core values, the very fiber of your being, then get upset w you when you stand up and say No… Then beg you to come back but refuse to compromise or change still.. I’ve lived this first hand very recently… And so happy I stood my ground! ❤️this Joss!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Maranda you are NOT lying. What blows my mind the most is the refusal to compromise or change while begging – like this time will be different from the first. Now, I haven’t always stood my ground so I still have some growing to do lol. But I will get there. So glad you liked it! Question – how do you determine which things that you feel strongly about are worth compromising on?


  4. Biggie balls // October 1, 2015 at 5:28 pm // Reply

    I’m stuck in a Situationship myself. I’ve been dating this girl for almost 8 years I love her but I’m not in love with her. We don’t have sex anymore which is a big thing for me because I am a sex fiend lol. She makes good money though and together we can live very comfortable. I don’t know I have tried to leave her in the past but never could get away. I don’t know what to do part of me say make it work. But part of me wants to be happy in every way not just financially. Any advice nosie Josie ?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, date ME! LOL Just kidding. I’m crappy with advice, lol but… it sounds like whatever is keeping you with her is something that you value more than sex and being in love. The fact that your immediate follow-up sentence referred to how comfortable you guys are living financially, maybe its that. What do you think? If this girl was not making good money and you guys weren’t living comfortable – would you have left her already?


      • Biggie balls // October 1, 2015 at 6:16 pm // Reply

        Baby I would marry you don’t play with me😍😍😍 you are the perfect girlfriend in every way beautiful, intelligent, funny, you play video games 😍😍 I would let you make me pregnant lol


  5. Hey! I love your content and thought I’d show my silent (sounds kinda creepy, huh? lol) affection for your blog by nominating you for the versatile blogger award! You can find more information on my blog if you’re interested :) :)

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Totally agree. I think that a lot of women are forced to believe that having a man is better than no man. Dave wasn’t a scrub so in essence staying in that situationship may have seemed advantageous to some women. The movie sucked, but it shed a lot of truth in this interesting world of dating now.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bingo! And the sad part about it is that if leaving Dave, she may not have found a much better option. Financially stable, loving and affectionate, fun, attractive, a gentleman, etc. How do you feel about her decision to leave Dave? In this day and age, do you think you would have done the same or stuck with him?

      Liked by 1 person

      • I think she made a good decision. Any decision that is not in line with what you want for your life is good if you are making it. Don’t let others decide you future. I would have left. Trust me, I’ve left for lesser things. LOL.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Josie!!!
    Wonderful post! You are spot on.
    I recently wrote an article for a website discussing this issue – black women settling in relationships. Sometimes it is so easy to get stuck and forget your worth and what you deserve. So if you go seeking something else, in one’s desperation, may stumble upon something that you shouldn’t have. In Leah’s case – the blue-eyed handsome devil. Hehe!
    Fabulous post.
    I am excited to read more!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. You got it so right. I know I’ve fallen into this trap…..the “I can’t commit and treat u like crap, but also can’t live without you baby”, trap. It’s not an easy thing to get out of and it just keeps sucking you in like a big black hole. Sorry if I am being too dark. :)

    Liked by 1 person

    • I don’t know how I missed your reply before but YES the trap is no joke! Its like we hold onto the possibility that all of the time and energy we invested in someone just HAS to pay off. But unlike other investments that we make, we have very little control of what we are investing into with people, you know? If you can’t let me go…you eventually are going to make the decision to commit…it just has to happen – how wrong we are lol.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Lol. I hear u. We jump up and down if we don’t get return on our money, we should do the same for people as well. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  10. This movie was incredibly disappointing to me. Too much talent to make the characters so silly and especially at the age they were at. This woman was threatened, harassed and violated all within a 2 week span. She wasn’t desperate for a man but according to the movie “the perfect man” swept her off her feet. I might start rambling. Let me chill.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. What’s worse about this situation is all the people giving the “lower your standards” advice. As a single woman in my 30’s, I can’t even count how many times I’ve been told that I’m too picky and that I’m not giving men a chance. I’m not ashamed to say that I am picky about the man who might father my future children.
    That doesn’t mean that I think I’m perfect or that I have a list of criteria he has to meet in order to date me. I mean that I want mutual attraction, mutual respect, honesty and compatible personalities. I don’t want to settle and I don’t want someone settling for me. That’s sounds like a sad existence.


  12. I know this is an older post, but it is right on time for me. I always overthink and second guess myself when I stand my ground and walk away [or let him walk away]. Women are conditioned to think it’s them all the time when so often it’s not. Excuse us for having some dreams and morals. The right man will respect them.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Amen! I honestly feel like we are conditioned to think a lot of things that work out in the favor of men. For example, being comfortable in our sexuality is shunned unless it benefits a man’s agenda (slut shaming). I know that’s somewhat the complete opposite of “exercising morale” but it just goes to show exactly how conditioned our thinking is. I am tired of making my decisions based on what will be most favorable in the eyes of the men that I date. We have to stand for what we believe is right for us (be it embracing our sexuality or reserving it), without second guessing ourselves.

      Liked by 1 person

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