1:10 am ][ why bother.
Everytime I’m on the verge of beating myself up for being single, something bizzare happens in my life to remind me exactly why I shouldn’t.
I’m 31. And at 31, I’m convinced that there are certain things that just shouldn’t be happening anymore when dating. Picking up new women while on a date with your current one is one of those things.
We lived our teens and twenties dancing on the edge of disrespect…I would hope that most of us have grown a bit more tactful in our old age. But what would life be if not a constant surprise.
On my way home from work tonight, I decided to stop by the movie theater to see the new Kevin Hart film. Yes, I went alone because that’s just what I do. If you read my article, 26 Ways to Rock Solo Date Night, this should come as no surprise :).
While in the theatre, this couple (also in their 30s) comes to my row and sits right beside me. There is literally one seat inbetween us…with the man sitting closest to me. After demolishing my bag of popcorn and cherry Icee, I doze off midway through the movie (also something that I do… and why I make for such a horrible movie date). But with these new reclining seats today, Jesus…how could you NOT?
Anywho, knocked out in the deepest of movie theatre sleeps, I feel a light tap on my arm. I open my eyes, anticipating the cleaning crew compassionately ushering me out. Instead, I find myself staring into the eyes of someone else’s man.
“Yes?” I asked.
“You here by yourself?”
“I am.” As if that’s not apparent.
“Well, I’d love to keep you company next time. I’m Charles, what’s your name beautiful?” While extending his hand for me to shake.
At this point, I’m looking over his shoulder in total confusion to lock eyes with the woman he’s with. She’s not there…of course. I’m not sure what left me more disgusted: his bold attempt to pick me up while on a date…or the fact that he was trying to be a gentleman while doing so.
Needless to say, I didn’t accept his offer. But I did feel sorry for his date. I felt even sorrier for myself as that encounter further burried my interest in dating again. If you can’t trust that the games will ever end, what is there to even look forward to? Why bother.
Nosie Josie JE15
mindjobusiness.com 
Hmmm. Do you think he was really on a date or the woman was his girlfriend? Could it have been his sister or a friend? I always give people the benefit of the doubt… mainly because the reality would probably shock me too much. LOL
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It was definitely a girlfriend or date – they were cuddled up 😣. And when she came back from the bathroom, he ended our convo QUICK lol.
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What an asshole! 😠
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If I may play the devils advocate, are you certain they were on a date? I go out with women all the time that im not dating.. most of my friends are women! lol… you didn’t say whether you observed s/o activity though. also on this note, I sometimes make myself scarce if the woman I’m with wants to get her mac on haha ijs
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lol yes, you’re right – I didn’t give the details of their s/o activity (which was super important). They were definitely on a date- cuddled up and all that jazz. And the way he abruptly cut our conversation short after she came back was priceless lol. I LOVE that you dip out so that your lady friend can get her mac on lol! You get 1,000 points for this.
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Damn, Gina! I laughed but that’s not even funny!
I swear every time I see a glimmer of hope, I am reminded of the realness in these mean dating streets. I am 31 too, girl. I’m an optimistic realist, but damn. It gets tired.
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lmbo “dating streets” – excellent choice of words. We have to come out armed and ready with bullet proof vests on these days Kelley! 31 is a difficult age; knowing what you want, but feeling too exhausted to fight for it. Or fighting for it – and questioning if its even worth it lol. Praise to the women who have figured it out
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Yea I felt like I was doing on the work this last time. No more of that!
Come correct or don’t come at all!
Get wit it or get lost!
{my two mottos}
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I can’t lie I am laughing too, but it’s not funny. But the “ended our convo QUICK” response to L. Rorshach has me in tears. I don’t think dating will ever be the same as it was in the past. Well I can’t say that I know what it was like in the past but it seems as though a couple decades ago, that the focus was on finding someone and building a family. Now all of the lines have been blurred.
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Nah it’s more like what can I get from this person? When I get what I want, I emotionally destroy them and leave. And/or sex sex sex… that’s just what I’ve noticed. Broken people just looking for love without healing themselves first.
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Damn you said a lot with “broken people just looking for love without healing themselves first.” That has to be the biggest problem. To make it worse, most people don’t even know that they’re broken. So they never even try to heal (love) themselves. It’s hard to when you don’t even know that you have a problem or you do know but your ego is to big to even listen when someone is sincerely telling you that there is something wrong. The sex sex sex part of relationships has been morphed by the media that tells us, especially men, that there is something wrong with us if we’re not having it. Destroying the other person is about gaining the upper hand and never feeling vulnerable. That is an endless cycle until that person learns to truly love themself and to let go of the past.
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YES! You said it. When my last long-term relationship ended, I instinctively knew I HAD to be single for awhile because I was still so upset. And I needed to readjust to singledom.
I know it all too well. I have seen it with female friends as well as guys I’ve dated. They destroy themselves and/or every person that attempts to love them until they realize they’re the common denominator. I mean, that’s if they ever do.
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I love that you knew to step off the scene for a while. Its interesting how differently people handle pain – some take that route and others just binge date to handle the pain.
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“Destroying the other person is about gaining the upper hand and never feeling vulnerable. That is an endless cycle until that person learns to truly love themself and to let go of the past. ”
—– you are too wise for your age lol. We fear vulnerability so much more than we ever did before. There’s nothing good that can ever come from that. It prevents progress in every area of life too. The media has a lot more control than people realize – especially music. I’m a big believer than music is the key to the soul and can influence trends, thoughts and actions. That’s why we had more love in the 90’s than we do today. The media / music approved it. And sadly, we don’t always think for ourselves. Well…we CAN, but we are super impressionable beings.
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Music definitely has an impact on the way we move, think and feel. 25blackandalive.com/listen-watch-and-speak-carefully/
On that post I talk bout its influence. They purposely promoted rap and gangster rap to morph our reality. There is no comparison of the music of my father’s time to the music of today. It has changed completely. Plus the music of my parent’s era used actual instruments. Instruments that help us to vibrate higher. Now it is all computerized. I can go on forever but I don’t want to start writing so much that its like dang shut up already! LOL!
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No one would ever want you to shut up, trust me lol. You ever seen Mint Condition perform live? o0o Lord I will never forget seeing the awesomeness of artists playing instruments to create their beat. It was phenomenal. And I loved the article you wrote on this topic.
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I never seen them perform live. I’ll YouTube it tho. Lol.
I think that our generation has missed out on true musical artist. There are some good bands out there but they don’t get the play they need in order for everybody to find them. And thanks a million for checking that article out! I’m glad that you enjoyed it.
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God Kelly…I mean, could you have said that any better? Geez. It’s a perfect reflection of love in the 21st century. Its almost like we enter these relationships, doubtful and cynical of the possibility for a good outcome. Therefore, remaining open to nothing but our own gains. Not caring a thing about how our lackluster presence will impact that person. Grr… I sound bitter today lol. But its how I feel!
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Blurred to no end lol. I swear the fun of dating has gone out of the window along with our tact, genuineness and trust. I know I cant pinpoint exactly what happened for things to change but I’m convinced that the elimination/limitations on social media and a change in music would do the trick.
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Ugh, this made me cringe. Dating is so scary and hard because while good guys are out there, they are so hard to find.
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Tell me about it!
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Don’t give up hun. Talk to God about the man you need and his qualities. He is the creator and in His perfect time, He will let your paths cross.
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I definitely will! That’s probably where I’ve been going wrong – taking it into my own hands
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Nice move dearie , praying for you
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The male species amazes me everyday unfortunately!
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Ugh, tell me about it. Why can’t we just duplicate you Gary :(
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It’s funny you say that about social media because last dude was slightly obsessed with likes and followers and comments. From strangers. He even texted me to ask why I unfollowed him -_- Maybe that’s what I get for dating someone who initially asked me out via text. I ignored ALL the signs!
I’d just like a smart, nerdy, worldly, low-key handsome dude with a beard who loves his mom and 90s music that would delete his account[s] [if he had any] when we get together. He’s out there!
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Sounds like you should be dating someone that we both know on the blogphere ;) – he’s beardless though lol.
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hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I dunno who you speak of.. and the winky face makes me worry
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lmbo!
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i wonder how many dates have i been on where my “companion for the night” hit on someone else… I have a funny story to tell you about fine Nate…. reading this made me remember… LOL
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lol I enjoyed this by the way. Unfortunately this probably happens way more than we know. The thing that doesn’t sit right with me is that I’m bothered more from a shattered ego in this instance rather than the loss of a potential mate lol.
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Omgosh! I hear so many horror stories about dating nowadays from every single woman (aged 28-58). The gall of someone to actually try to pick you up while on a date. He probably sent her out for more popcorn or something just so he could approach you. Sheesh!
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lol @ the age range (28-58)! That’s pretty much ALL of them hahahaha. Yeah, men are full of non-surprises these days. :\
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Sadly enough I am not surprised that the man jumped into your face once his date left. Hearing stuff like this definitely makes me happy I’m single. But don’t give up on hope not every man is as disrespectful as that one. Surprisingly to say, but there are some good men still around. I hope that you meet someone who will appreciate all that you are, just as you are!! :-)
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o0o I love all of those positive affirmations that you spoke into my life! I am going to hope for this, right along with you :D. You’re definitely on point – not every man is like THIS man. And although that’s hard to remember at times, its definitely necessary if I ever want to dance with love lol. Thanks love!
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You will definitely be dancing with love. I believe it !!! And Thanks so much!!!
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Smh…. he tried it. He really tried it. And that’s the PG version of my reaction. I think you can figure out the uncensored one. lol
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lol!!!! Oh yes, I can do that. *giggle*
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