7:29 am ][ what’s missing.
It feels like its been forever since I’ve seen this white space and blinking cursor. I hate that I’ve been so distant…but I’m not sure what else to be when feeling so uninspired. I’m not in a funk… quite the opposite actually. My spirits are high! In fact, I’ve released more laughter these past few weeks than I have for the majority of this year. I should be on cloud nine…
But I’m not.
I’m lonely (and disappointed). I’ve been missing companionship. So much so, that I’ve been forcing myself into meaningless interactions; hoping to satisfy this unexpected craving. I have been on date after date after date….had conversation after conversation after conversation. It amazes me…that in a world full of difference and individuality, that so many people are packaged the same. I’m bored. I’m bored with the phony interactions. I’m bored with the filter questions. I’m bored with the emotional detachment. I’m bored with the safety nets. Where is the realness? If I would have known that its existence would fade away in my late twenties, I would have embraced and cherished every schoolgirl crush from my teens.
I miss those late night phone calls that kept me groggy in my AM classes – drenched in playfulness and topped with substance. That laughter… that laughter was so good…
I miss actually learning about someone…their actual essence…not their work or relationship timeline. I miss them wanting to learn me back. Before we became psychics; foreseeing that “each other” can’t be trusted…we used to confess. I miss the confessions, the honesty, and the rawness. Hard to believe that there was once a time I didn’t fear being judged when sharing my truths. Before we felt a need to screen each other, we actually enjoyed each other. I miss all of that.
I don’t want to force myself into love. Nor do I want love to be a priority in my life. But I guess the desire for intimacy and human companionship is inevitable. But I will never settle for companionship that lacks a genuine, emotional connection. I would rather just keep “missing.”
Nosie Josie 
JE16
mindjobusiness.com 
Beautiful post, and very well-said words about the modern dating world. ❤️
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Thank you beautiful!
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I feel like you’re so lucky to have found two kindred spirits! I can’t wait to be updated on your love life lol. I’m 3 weeks behind in my blog reading. Geesh!
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Can I say that I completely get your dilemma from my own vantage and yep it sucks. I can’t even be pc about it. I get bored easily and it amazes me most times the lack of effort put into many aspects of life. I’ve filled my time with other things though I guess, not purposefully seeking dates and such. Funny enough last night was the first in months that I hung out socially and it was with friends, new and old, the three of us got food and just chatted about everything…parents, school, work, cellphones, trump, Asia, poetry, cultures etc., and it’s the most inspired I’ve felt lately, not because I was with ppl, but because I chose to be and it turned out meaningful.
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I’m so glad you enjoyed your outing. Was this the one on your IG that we talked about? It helps a lot to have those little doses of REALNESS in our life. And you guys talked about a LOT lol – that’s my type of conversation! I truly believe that the lack of effort that people expend has everything to do with the disappointment that they have come to expect. Sad :(. But we have to make sure we seek out those beautiful interactions like the one you had!
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It was the day before the events we talked about. Lol. When are you going to fall in love and get married so I can get wedding cake friend? :D
Yes, I love when the conversation comes easy. I realized many things through that occasion. Shrugs. Effort says a lot and oftentimes we ignore simply things that make the world of difference.
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Hon-ey! God only knows when I’m going to get married lmbo. I wish :D. Side note – I love wedding cake!
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So do I. Lol.
I mean I can always go out and get cake, which I do regularly enough lol, but it’s just noooooootttttt the same. 😂
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You described ME word for word and feeling for feeling (in detail) cuzzin. I’ve been feeling this way for too long now. As you say, “I’m not in a funk”, hell, I feel great…. optimistic as ever. However, there is a huge empty space where I would love for someone to step on up in there and fill. Only difference between us is that I haven’t been dating. Shit, my time is currency, and I have a lot in savings!
I really hope you discover what/who that space can be filled with soon. You’re absolutely beautiful, intelligent, fun, and witty, and I’m positive the list continues. Timing and patience is EVERYTHING in situations like these!
You just tay Josie cuzzin!
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Timing and patience :). I like those 2 things because one is out of my control and yet one IS. I’m glad you can relate! Its good to know someone understands that its not sadness but rather a little emptiness there. I might need to focus on something in my future until my timing meets my patience – like you’re doing lol. Thanks cousin! And I appreciate the wonderful compliment <3<3
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I relate to this so much. Dating is so not natural. I feel like everyone is faking it. It’s so hard to break away from that and find someone who is real.
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Heck yeah! I think I’m going to need a break from the phoniness for now. Its just…exhausting. When was the last time you can remember going out with someone who actually felt natural? Have you noticed any changes in your dating life since finishing school?
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It’s honestly really, really hard. Back in May, I went on a date that was the most natural date I’ve ever been on. There was no trying. We just sat at a bar for 3+ hours talking about everything and anything. I think that’s what dating should be. People tend to be trying too hard these days when really all a date should be is two strangers getting to know one another and finding out what they have in common.
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Yesssss exactly Liz. That 3 hour conversation was probably so amazing. Felt like food to the soul, I’m sure of it. What happened to this guy? lol. I agree with you though – we need to be focused on getting to know each other rather than screening one another.
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Six months later and things are still going really well with the guy. I’ve just been really quiet about him on my blog so far.
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yay!!!!!!!! sometimes that for the best. Things always seem to flourish when we don’t talk about them too much lol
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Well said nosy Josie!!! Now tell me your deepest darkest secrets. 😝 I wish we could live in the same city. I’m so not updated – where are you now?? Btw, i crave the same type of interactions you are seeking.
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hahah! I want to know allllll of your backstory lol – yep that’s me. I bet we would have a blast if we were in the same place. We caught up on IG this week so you know my living situation now :D. I’m surprised to hear that you’re craving the same type of interactions. Is it just in friendships where you’re missing it?
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Yeah! It’s hard being a digital nomad. You end up meeting people along the way, you tell the same story over and over and over again, you hang out one night before you or the other person is off to another city. Community is SO important and vital. So and Chris and I are learning. We hope to settle down someplace where we actually hang out, hell, even talk to our neighbors! And travel for weeks at a time but returning to some place we can call home and have friends to celebrate milestones with. But real friends! Friends beyond just the hanging out on Friday night for beers.
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Girl. Me too. Me Too!
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after catching up on my comments, I KNOW you can relate lololol!
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MY ENTIRE COMMENT DELETED. Argh.
My southern dialect, born and raised in the lower part of the state if SC so as I read this I went, “Boe (pronounced beau) yasss Eye feel the same way. Thank you. Lol there are no words to even begin to fill that void. We need human contact in it’s truest form, no holding back, I hope you get what you need. I don’t believe in soul mates but companionship is more than that…love is meant to be shared ;’)
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I didn’t know you were from SC! What parts? I was thinking of relocating to NC, SC or TX next year and could definitely use some feedback from an “expuuurienced” woman lol :D. I totally agree with you about soul maters, companionship and love. <3
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I’m in Greenville, however, most people like Charleston, SC more. I like Greenville, but I’m unsure if I want to move soon. I think I get bored easily. Lol. But, then I think about how I would have to rebuild my life, my network, and idk if I have that in me still lol
I have a friend that lives in TX…I don’t like heat so TX is not where it’s for me. NC offers more in my opinion. Yep, ise from Souff Cakalakee…however you spell it. Haha. That southern dialect only comes out when I’m “tied (tired) or around others that understand the lango…haha.
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That’s what’s making me a bit nervous – starting over once again. I did it when moving to Chicago already. Not that I got very far :/ . I hate heat (and I have eczema) so I know that TX is risky for me but I’m hoping the humidity in Dallas is less intense than Houston. Where in TX does your friend live? And what does NC offer that you feel is worthwhile?
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NC has more job opportunity, more fun, places to go, etc. More of your speed I think. You’re so pretty on instagram. I try not to follow too many ppl on there. But I was like lookie, lookie. My friend lives in San Antonio she’s military. From what she says she likes it. I like city lights..but like I said I’m so scared. But, girl, be brave, spread your wings and fly! ;-)
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awww thank you! I have to follow you back – whats your IG tag? Don’t be scared – this world isn’t meant for us to sit in one place :)
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I’ll follow you and DM you…it’s goes down in the DM. Lol
I’ll be brave one day. 😂
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i just love you…..
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and I love you more :*
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Damn, this is fire. And pardon my shorthand and usage of slang but I feel that language will fail to put capture what I feel about this piece. I can really identify with this piece. There was no “fat” to this …. every line meant something important to the architecture of the message.
Yes, do not settle.
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LOL! I love that you appreciate this (as well as your usage of slang haha). I haven’t written my journals in a long time. But your message reminds me of why I started doing so in the first place. Thank you for that :)
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I need to not read your posts while dining alone at a restaurant. Got me tearing up over here. Companionship is so important, even if it’s not a romantic relationship. I would go crazy by myself all the time. I really appreciate your posts.
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hahaha!! I don’t even read my own posts while dining alone bahahaha.
Life got really stressful for me a few years back and I didn’t know how to control my emotions. I was always angry or sad and found myself in these crazy confrontations with people. After a while, I gave up on trying to control my feelings and just distanced myself from people altogether. Although the solitude is less stressful, the lack of companionship is really hard to deal with at times. I don’t think its healthy either. Crazy enough, online with “strangers” is where I feel comfortable opening up.
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I need to meet you. You get me!
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Been there. Talked to random guys hoping for the same. Only to be left alone. But I did realize that it was for the best that I am single now. I still have some work to do by myself and right now, I’m cool with that. However, I totally get these moments. I especially love this “It amazes me…that in a world full of difference and individuality, that so many people are packaged the same.”
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Yes yes yes. I’m zoning in on my personal goals right now too and it may be better than no one is here to distract me from them. I will admit though… I never saw myself exploring life alone at 31. Its kind of a shocker and an adjustment in thinking. But eventually, it’ll sink in. And who knows…maybe one day I’ll be blessed with a companion!
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I am a hopeless romantic who always believe everyone can and will find the love of their lives one day. I’m just waiting for my life to turn into a romantic comedy any second now. lol
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lmbo well you’re free to watch my reruns in the meantime :/
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lol
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Jo this is so good. I found myself and still do find myself feeling this exact way. Although I am in early 20s I am not willing to do the same things as my peers do. I would like a companion that is honest and true just like you. A person who isn’t giving me love because he think he will get a “reward” after. Oh No! They can keep that… I want someone who is down for me in the most fun, respectful, and genuine way possible. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us all. I have benefited much. Your writing is impeccable. Very easy to follow along and relate.
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Thank you so much! I’m glad that you are wiser and more confident and secure in your 20s than I was. From your writings, I have no doubt in my mind that you will end up with someone amazing who will respect you to no end.
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You are GREAT. You will too!!! You are amazing, beautiful, and full of tons of wisdom. Whoever is blessed with you WILL BE lucky and will cherish your amazing-ness forever…..:)
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<3<3 thank you so much for that :D
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