To Be a Black Girl in the Morning

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Last night I removed my extensions.  Short on time, I decided to make an attempt at working with my “natural” hair.  Air-quoting the word natural as my hair couldn’t be any further from its original form.

After fluffing, tugging and stretching my 4-inch strands toward the sky for what felt like hours, my tired arms finally fell to my side.  I had conceded.  I could not force my short tresses to bend and move in directions that God had never intended.

I stared at myself in the mirror until covering my face with the palm of my hands.  I was angry.  Angry, frustrated and defeated.  For a short moment I hated my reflection.

“Ball-head scallywag, ain’t got no hair in the back…”

The lyrics from Project Pat’s 2001 song “Chicken Head” played in the background of my mind as I looked away.  I felt my insecurities rising.  For years I had shielded my natural hair from the light of day; embarrassed at the self-inflicted damage that denying my truth had caused.  And now I stood there…in a face-off with my face off.

I was trying desperately to accept someone that I no longer recognized.

I considered digging through my hair bin to find my emergency bundles of weave. Any wise and insecure black girl knew to keep a few on hand just in case.  In just a few hours, I could be whipping someone else’s luxurious locks from side to side. Yasss…bouncing down the street as if those Brazilian strands grew straight from my own brown scalp.  I could feel my confidence returning.

I dug through my hair bin until holding my glorious solution in my hands.  Four bundles of beautiful 12-18 inch 1B silky hair.  I wouldn’t even have to do much layering!  But along with my confidence came an unexpected twinge of guilt and shame.

“This is ridiculous,” I told myself.  “Natural is trending.  Its okay to be natural right now.  Let me try again to make this work.”  I placed my glorious solution back into the hair bin and faced myself in the mirror once more.  Within a matter of seconds, I was tackling my hair as if we were two football players competing for the championship win.  I cocked my head to the side when finished; contemplating whether or not I approved.

Hmm…  Hmm…

A selfie!  It would be much easier to figure this out with a selfie.  One selfie turned into two.  Two turned into three.  Three turned to – I lost count.  Flooding my phone’s photo gallery with endless angles, smiles and duck lips…I searched for just one photo to validate me.

Delete.  Delete.  Eh…  Delete.

I couldn’t believe it.  Not one.  Not one photo made me feel beautiful.  Where was this alleged confidence I had seen so many natural women reveling in?  Where were the thick, bouncy ringlets and curls that flooded my social media timeline?  Why wasn’t my hair folding into the popular two-strand twists, finger coils, or Bantu knots like all of the other black girls?  I created a mental checklist of my attempts…

Blowout.  Unsuccessful.  

Goddess braid.  Fail.

Wash-and-go.  Epic fail.  

High bun.  Don’t even.

With its endless images of beautiful black women fearlessly embracing their roots, social media had made the #TeamNatural movement look effortless.  What was I doing wrong?  More importantly, did I even have enough time to figure it out?  Work would be expecting me in less than two hours and I was sure to be late again; a habit that management was quickly growing tired of.

I wanted to make this work.  I wanted to make me work.

If only they understood my troubles.  I was tired of damaging my hair with constant sew-in’s and quick weaves.  I wanted to make this work.  I wanted to make me work.  But trying to find a natural style that would prevent their condemning white stares and whispers was starting to seem impossible.

I felt myself growing envious of the many white women who could simply throw their hair in a ponytail and go.  How much quicker their morning routine must be!  But determined to accept myself in my natural state, I reminded myself once more that natural was trending.  And natural didn’t have just one look…right?  Too short on time to even reconsider, I gathered my courage and went outside to face the world.

I could feel my heart racing through my over-sized sweater.  I tucked my sweaty palms in my coat pocket.  “Just play it cool,” I told myself, aloud.  “No one knows its a big deal but you.”  As I walked my regular route to the train, I felt exposed.  Avoiding eye-contact with the regular neighborhood cat-callers, I kept my gaze on the concrete sidewalk in front of me.  It was surprisingly silent.  All of the cat-callers seemed disinterested and unimpressed with me.  With my natural hair, I was invisible.  Unsure of whether or not that was a good thing, I embraced it for the time-being.

The train ride to work was a quiet one.  It was the first time that no man looked my way or asked for my number.  I couldn’t help but notice that there were other natural black girls on the train who seemed to have a different experience.

The train ride to work was a quiet one.

They clearly weren’t invisible.  Then again, their naturals didn’t look like mine.  We didn’t share the same thin and brittle short strands.  It didn’t take long for me to learn that the natural trend came with stipulations.  I stared outside of the smeared window beside me, trying to avoid my reflection.

I didn’t get it.  All of the images in the media told me to embrace myself…to stop hiding behind the weave.  But the moment that I did, I was less embraced by others.  Both men and women all over my newsfeed had been taunting black women for being fake; for not embracing their natural selves.  But the moment that I chose my natural look, I became less chosen.  I didn’t want to be invisible.

After what felt like eternity, my work day ended and I finally made it back to the safe and welcoming walls of my apartment.  I leaned against my front door and breathed a deep sigh of relief.  What a day.  Walking toward my bedroom, I noticed my hair bin and bundles sitting outside of the bathroom door.  They seemed to be anticipating my arrival. I stared at the bin for a few moments before asking myself…

Could I do today all over again?

NosyJosie

About nosy josie (88 Articles)
Josie is an aspiring writer living in Chicago Illinois, inspiring self-love through her own tragicomic life journey. Follow Josie as she details her collection of dating fails, life lessons and heart-to-heart confessions with her nosy readers.

89 Comments on To Be a Black Girl in the Morning

  1. I loved this, Josie! Beautifully written. I think most women tie their beauty to their hair. I know many who do, and I know that I don’t feel beautiful on my bad hair days.

    It’s ridiculous, really. Why does our hair have so much power over us?

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Mr Mr Hugh Hefty // November 26, 2016 at 3:22 pm // Reply

    I would like to pose a question. Could it be that all the cat callers and lookers were attracted not to the weave and fake hair but rather the confidence you displayed when wearing these products? And if that’s the case perhaps when you went aunatural then perhaps the lack thereof was a result of the lack of confidence you held in yourself being unsure of how you looked this way. Maybe if you truly embraced your natural beauty in all its perfect imperfections then perhaps those callers would once again take notice. Just food for thought 😘 You are absolutely beautiful just the way you are

    Liked by 7 people

    • Pretty much what I was thinking! I didn’t get half as many cat callers when I returned natural, but more gentlemen taking the time to approach me to converse.

      No look will work- whether it’s hair or clothes or makeup- if there’s a lack of confidence.

      Liked by 4 people

      • “More gentleman” – ahhh. I greatly anticipate this lol. I definitely agree with you and Hugh that confidence plays a major role in attraction. See my reply to Hugh below – more of my thoughts on confidence below. <3

        Liked by 3 people

    • That is a million dollar question! Confidence is attractive in itself and makes all the difference in how you shine to others. I definitely did NOT walk with the same swagger that I did with my extensions lol. But there are many women who do – and still receive less admiration. And I think that says a lot too. Women are often very “aware” beings. I pay attention to pictures of women that men like, comment on, or share on social media, for example. So there are definitely preferences, regardless of a woman’s level of confidence. But you’re right -You definitely have to embrace yourself as you are – no matter what.

      Liked by 2 people

      • That last statement. Yes.

        I hope this isn’t too harsh, but why pay attention to what men’s preferences are? YOU, in divine time, will be one man’s preference from hair to toe! Inside and out. I am just not sure what you do with this [useless] info, but it does not sound like an act of confidence.

        Liked by 3 people

        • Def not too harsh! The observation of a man’s attraction (or lack thereof) wasn’t really the focus of the piece in all honesty. It’s just the part that people chose to focus on. I wanted to share all parts of the journey and I couldn’t leave out how the lack of attention played a part. Unfortunately for some, the advances of others do play a part, even if small, in their confidence. Not a great or healthy thing but still true nonetheless. :(

          Like

        • I understand sharing the whole story. I was talking about your comment. You said you see what kind of preferences men have on social media. To that I am curious to why.

          Liked by 1 person

        • *I’m editing my reply because I wrote it while I was tipsy lol.* Hopefully this sounds less jumbled lol

          When you lack confidence in your own judgement or are unsure of yourself, its easy to focus on the opinion of others rather than establish your own. Its definitely not an act of confidence, like you said. But confidence has never been my strong suit and I’m still a work in progress. I’m still learning how to trust my own opinion over the opinion of others when it comes to my appearance. And also, I LOVE the psyche of people – so I pay a lot of attention to people period.

          Liked by 2 people

        • Yes, I just misread you.

          I think we all lack confidence in certain areas; some of us just have better methods of hiding it. There’s the magic!

          Like

        • I was totally editing my reply to you while you were replying to mine lmao. My bad!

          Like

    • My thoughts exactly.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Vernique May // November 26, 2016 at 7:49 pm // Reply

    You have always had a gift for gab. Written and verbal. This is so eloquently written and takes us through a journey that every black natural woman goes through at some point. I think that it is a gradual process of comfort that we get to as time progresses. You are so right with everything that you said and I loved how you posed the question of where the gorgeous images on IG and Pinterest and other social media outlets were that you were in search of. I to have become frustrated after watching many YouTube videos and trying to do what I saw. The one thing I think must be realized, is that one woman’s hair will not be another ones. One YouTube outcome will not be another’s. It is super frustrating sometimes. I’ve always remembered your hair bin and I have remembered this struggle that you have had with this very topic since I met you 12 years ago. You have come far and will continue to go further. So proud of you for venturing out!

    Liked by 3 people

    • Verny! You definitely can speak to my experiences – no doubt about it lol. Gosh…its crazy how much your reminder actually made me remember about my college days and trying to embrace myself even then. I think its interesting how even in the natural hair community, that such limited images of “natural” are presented. You can even see the competitiveness between women in the community as they boast about having texture, curls, waves or fullness that other women don’t have. I would love to see us just love on each other sometimes. Although I do feel the love on this blog from my blog sisters more than anywhere else. Thanks Very for coming by!!! <3 you

      Like

  4. Great post! Hun, we have all been there! I had many days of wtf am I doing? I too, felt a little jealous of my non kinky roots friends. Especially newly “natural”. I started to learn how to do my hair the longer it grew. I made the decision to accept me first and it all followed its place. It’s been 10 years and I haven’t looked back since. Love ya lady, you ARE beautiful always.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I literally laughed out loud when I read the “many days of wtf am I doing?” lmbo. That’s literally how I feel when I’m trying to work with my hair. I love how you said that the decision to accept yourself came first. I think that’s something I can admit that I’m missing in this journey. And just like Kelley and Hugh were saying above – the confidence plays a big part in it all! Thank you for the kid words – love you always <3

      Liked by 1 person

  5. C.L. Vaughan // November 27, 2016 at 2:50 pm // Reply

    This was great! I laughed, I sighed, I shook my head lol… great write! I was waiting for the moment when you look at yourself and decide you’re beautiful as you are, but it didn’t come -_- haha.. such is life vs movies I guess… did you save a selfie? you should send me one :)

    Next time you get your hair done, you should try a short style with your “natural”(lol) hair… plenty of women look amazing with short styles, natural or not. sometimes you just need someone else to help you find your look! in any case, you are beautiful always! Put on a smile, and I bet you get some catcallers(that part was kinda hilarious). I suspect your apprehension was what built the wall between you and the other commuters.

    Liked by 1 person

    • lol! I’m glad you enjoyed it. I knew people would be waiting for that same moment of self-acceptance. But for some of us, that moment hasn’t arrived yet and I didn’t want to pretend that it had. Just as you said – life vs. movies. YES I saved a selfie. Its on lock-down in my phone too, haha! Its in a private folder that you can only access with my fingerprint smh…isn’t that just horrible?!

      I am super eager to try a short, natural style but my hair has to thicken up first. I look like I’m balding :( . But I promise you, when I gain a few more strands, I will snatch these extensions out of my hair faster than you could imagine lololol! Thank you as always for showing me love and supporting me. Who needs catcallers when I have you?! :D

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Girl! You know my life! I tried to wear my hair natural once and had the exact same experience. There is definitely a standard of beauty within the natural-hair community as well. Not all hair is treated equally. Thank you for this post.

    Liked by 2 people

    • You’re so welcome and thank you for reading! That standard of beauty within the natural-hair community is definitely the meat and potatoes of the message behind this. Although there are definitely other messages, I know. I think its so interesting how even in trends of unity, we find a way to create some division.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. This was great! Thank you for being vulnerable with us.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I don’t have much to comment or add to this. I just wanted to let you know that I really enjoyed this post. I thought it was soo well-written! I loved it!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I totally get this! It’s crazy that you have to teach yourself to love how God made you. There are some days where I literally tell myself, God gave you this hair (curl pattern, thickness, shrinkage etc) because he knew your crown is the cherry on top of who you are. You are your most beautiful with the hair God gave you. Wear it proudly. It is a blessing!

    It takes time, but you’ll get there. Me too 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Honey, you know you are one FABULOUS natural woman! I love your hair SO much. I can’t wait until I reach the place where I am in love with my natural as you have become. I think that I could also stand to have a little more patience with my hair too – sometimes I give up on it too easily. I shall work on that! Because I want my cherry to shine bright!!! :D

      Thanks for taking the time to stop by and show some love. You rock! <3

      Like

  10. I am flabbergasted at how relatable this post is. When I finally decided to big-chop my relaxed hair in the summer of 2013, I though natural was in too. Well not mine away. I didn’t get as many stares as my relaxed hair. I had no idea what to do with the foreign strands on my head. Within months, I tried to do twist and Bantu knots. Yeah, right! No moisturizer nor twist could help my hair or my confidence.
    Impeccable writing! This post was so self-reflecting and honest!

    Liked by 1 person

    • To be honest, I too am surprised at how much everyone can relate! I always felt alone in my struggle as a struggling natural because of my hair grade. But I see now that although we’ve struggled for different reasons, our confidence was impacted nonetheless. Wow! You would think that it would be easier to work with our natural hair because … well…its natural lol. But man oh man…its such a journey. Its been 3 years for you – has your experience changed at all?

      Like

  11. Loved this!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. tunisiajolyn84 // November 29, 2016 at 10:06 pm // Reply

    I always love your honesty in your writing. I noticed that when I throw on my second hat a.k.a. wigs – I do kinda feel a little different. For me, it’s like trying on something new and feeling good about how it turned out but funny enough, I usually get more guys trying to talk to me with my natural hair out and they seem to always make a comment about it so I guess it’s because I feel more like myself with natural hair and maybe for you, you feel that way when you put in your extensions because you’re more comfortable in that but I hope you keep forging ahead despite your discomfort because I know once I did with wigs, I was playing in them like it was nothing so I hope you will be able to embrace your natural hair as another option to switch it up and wow this is the longest sentence ever. lol

    Liked by 1 person

    • lmbo definitely the longest but best sentence ever. And I can’t talk much as this is the longest delayed response ever lol. I swear I thought I replied! It’s so awesome that you receive more compliments with your natural hair. One day, Lord one day lololol! I think feeling comfortable has a lot to with it too. In fact, a lot of people commented on this post about how important confidence is. You’re absolutely right though – I’m way more confident with my extensions than I am with my natural hair. I finally got used to the natural hair up until Valentines Day, where I had a minor setback. All of the girls around me were getting jazzy and getting their hair done. I felt like SUCH a plain Jane and couldn’t take it lol. I threw some extensions in (which you saw on IG, I’m sure). But after 1 week, I started to panic about the damage I was probably causing to my hair and took it out. Now I’m back to the natural but it feels like all of the confidence I gained is gone again. I probably shouldn’t have played with fire lol. Now I’m working on gaining it back but I feel super boring. So boring that I even went all out and added my glasses to finish the look lol. I don’t want to sound like a Debbie Downer but I’m definitely feeling the Debbie lololol! I’ll be better in a few weeks though. Just gotta tough it out!

      Liked by 1 person

      • tunisiajolyn84 // February 21, 2017 at 6:37 pm // Reply

        Hahaha… I have felt your pain. Sometimes, when I’m out and about, I feel like I look like a little kid compared to these women with their hair and nails did, face beat to the Gods, outfit all the way right and a posture that is drippin swagu. And then, I just have to remind myself that I am me and I am cute and quirky and my hair is pull-able. Ok I really don’t think of that last part but I just cracked myself up typing it now. Lol Also, I think it has to do with finding cute natural hair styles that work for you. When I am not being lazy and I style my hair… I be loving my natural. I am not sure if this is going to scare you more but have you ever thought about getting a short natural do? I think you would look really cute. Just look through this google search and see all of the endless possibilities with natural hair. https://www.google.com/search?q=short+natural+hairstyles&espv=2&biw=1272&bih=736&site=webhp&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&sqi=2&ved=0ahUKEwi_4IvtuqLSAhWERyYKHZ0lCCoQ_AUIBigB

        Liked by 1 person

        • lmao nothing wrong with pullable hair hahahaaha. You literally took the words right out of my mouth when describing how it feels when you go out. I feel like I could be their babysitter :/

          I haven’t really tried styling this yet (I don’t know if I have enough to work with). I know I HATED it before I ran into this girl at the mall. She complimented me and after telling her I hated it, she told me “you might like it more with a headband.” I bought a few handbands that might and haven’t looked back sense lmao. No, kidding, the headbands changed the game for me though. That AND playing with my edges. Maybe if I experimented with a little part or something, I would like it even more.

          It doesn’t seem to be growing though. I’m wondering if my hair is too damaged to grow, after all of the mistreatment. Is that possible?

          I HAVE thought about a shorter natural style but I can’t because my hair is so thinned out now. I had it cut short before and you could literally see through my scalp. I thought it would be a “win” because “hey, who can tell I’m thinning through the low cut?” I was dead wrong. The longer it is, the easier it is to hide certain thinning spots. I just love looking at these pics you sent. Especially the edgy ones. I can only imagine how much my swag would change with one of those lmao. I would probably go get a leather jacket and some shades hahahah

          Liked by 1 person

        • tunisiajolyn84 // February 27, 2017 at 8:03 pm //

          Hmmm… I am not sure about the hair growth issue. You may have to consult with a knowledgable natural hair care hairstylist about that. I hope not! I do think if you wear headbands all the time, it can pull the front of your hair and I know you wanna keep your edges girl. So I would definitely look into that. Also, have you thought about taking biotin or one of those hair growth pills? I would definitely be cautious about them of course but that could be another options too if you are having issues with hair growth. And lol at you wearing leather jacket and shades with those hair cuts… it does make you feel like you got a little edge so I totally get it.

          Liked by 1 person

        • I might do that, actually. Someone told me yesterday that they see the growth so that’s a good sign. Maybe its just moving too slow for me to notice. I’ll be posting a video soon so you can let me know if you think it looks a bit longer.

          Liked by 1 person

  13. I love this and the way you write. From reading the comments it seems like so many other women can relate. Don’t put too much stock into cat-callers anyway, they’re fickle lol.

    Liked by 1 person

    • hahah! I’m clearly just now seeing some of the comments grrr. Yes, fickle men they are lol. I was honestly surprised at how many other women could relate. Although saddened that so many women have been in this place, I’m happy that we can find support and encouragement through each other. Thank you for the love :)

      Liked by 1 person

  14. I was going to say something similar to Kelley. One of my first acts of not caring about what others thought was when I went natural, but here’s the deal. I had to first not care about it. I can’t imagine what would’ve happened or how I would’ve felt had I really be self-conscious about how my hair looked. I literally had to embrace it find out what was going to happen. Also, I know this post isn’t about men and their reactions, but I remember telling someone that my Black, male friends were the worst when it came to feedback. “I see you’re going back to your nappy roots,” “Make sure you don’t fry chicken with your hair natural b/c I hear it holds the scent,” “Looks like you need to come back to Chicago, instead of using those down South hair stylists,” were all comments from Black men, not cat callers, but actual friends. So I hear you. People do treat you differently. And they treat you differently based on the type of natural hair you have. Oftentimes people told me it must be easy for me to go natural because “You have that good stuff.” I was just as offended as if someone called my hair nappy. Anywho, I’ve rambled on enough. I’m just saying, your confidence will build day by day, no matter what, if you really want to be natural.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I swear I responded to this Kathy! I’m so sorry :(
      I can’t believe the responses that you received from your Black, male friends! Wow. I know that I’ve experienced unpleasant feedback of my own but its always disbelieving to hear it from someone else. You always assume (or hope) that your experience was an isolated one. Just reading your reply, I can see that you “get it” – the struggle and how it varies based on other factors. Obviously with me being so late in replying, I’ve had some time to adjust and adapt to my new look and I will report that I am loving it lol. Although I’m wearing twists right now, I do feel comfy in my skin (or hair lol). But, learning how to treat it is a whole new challenge. Lordt, if I can just get this thing to grow lol!

      Liked by 1 person

  15. people always looking at me like am not neat but i have learnt not to care, i love my dreadlocs and my natural hair. I know am beautiful just the way i am and every black girl should feel the same. Loved your post!

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Guuuurl. Be like Thomas the Train….I think I can! I think I can! You got through one day, you CAN do it again. We are always changing our look. One day is different from the next. So, go with it! Enjoy the journey! Embrace the process! And smile the whole time ;)

    Liked by 2 people

  17. tillytheblogger // January 8, 2017 at 7:23 pm // Reply

    I loved the post . It took me a year to be able to wear my natural hair outside of my house. The funny thing is ….it wasn’t other people , it was just me that had a problem with it. It took me a rough morning with a late wake up and two choices….be late for class or rock the natural lol (I still reconsider it hear and there) . I def feel this post !!

    Liked by 1 person

    • omg you are NOT kidding – we seem to be more critical of our hair than other people. I just posted a journal entry today about how I finally stepped out with my natural hair this weekend. I was surprised at how many people complimented me! I couldn’t help wondering if my issues were all in my head. Even a few readers commented (above) brought that too my attention. Crazy, huh? And if I had a dollar for all of the days I chose to be tardy over rocking my natural…I would never have to work again lol. I do anticipate going back and forth between bad hair days and good ones. But hey, they don’t call it a journey for no reason right?! Thanks so much for commenting and for your support <3

      Liked by 1 person

  18. Beautifully written I love this and have felt this way many of days on my natural hair journey!!! Following you!

    Liked by 1 person

  19. I recall having this same anxiety the first Girls Night Out after my BIG CHOP!! Even though it was my decision and I was encouraged to be brave and get with the trend I still felt so exposed and vulnerable and really less than attractive. I was terrified. But…I was embraced and complimented and before the night was over I was glowing!! YAS!! Baldhead and all!

    Oh…LOVED the Project Pat reference!! We all need that sophistirachet in our lives :) lol!! If it makes you feel any better I am currently in natural hair purgatory myself…insert side eye here!

    Liked by 1 person

    • lmbo YES it makes me feel better haha! Although I hate knowing that many of us go through this terrible phase, its still comforting to know that we aren’t crazy in how we feel, you know? I finally went out yesterday for my first Girls Night Out with the new do an blogged out about – https://mindjobusiness.com/2017/01/16/1007-am-new-years-resolution-1-complete/

      It was absolutely dope and my experience was just as yours was. I was just saying to someone in the comments section above that we seemed to be our worst critic the whole time. Read that journal though and see if it helps get you out of purgatory ;). Much love Queen!

      Like

      • Isn’t it the craziest. One of the best compliments I ever received came from a gorgeous black man that wanted nothing but to let me know how beautiful my natural hair was…swoon!!! But yes, it sucks it takes us soo long to embrace it and love it they way some do. Can’t wait to check out your latest post!!

        Liked by 1 person

  20. This was a great read Jo. I know a lot of sistas have issues with their hair. We have been taught in this racist society to hate what we see in the mirror. But we have nothing to be ashamed of in my opinion. We are a beautiful people with a great history. Our hair is unique only to us. And we should always embrace who we are.
    https://kushiteprince.wordpress.com/2016/01/21/nappy-hair-is-hair-of-the-gods/
    https://kushiteprince.wordpress.com/2012/08/02/your-beautiful-hair-is-really-an-antenna-embrace-your-nappy-hair/

    Liked by 1 person

  21. I can totally relate. I’m natural but I always straighten my hair because I feel confident when I do. But thank you for this article it really helped me sort out my feelings towards my hair

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hey Jazz! I completely understand. I don’t have an option to straighten it yet, being so short lol but I’m sure I would have felt compelled to. I can tell you that since I’ve been wearing my natural hair this month, I’ve become more comfortable with it. Maybe its because its becoming the norm for me now, and I’m used to seeing myself this way every morning. I bet it would be the same for you if you. And now that I’m unafraid of it, I’ve learned how to manipulate and style it to my liking. Maybe try going un-straightened for two weeks and see what comes from it! And PLEASE keep me posted :)

      Liked by 1 person

  22. Everything you said, is how I felt when I first started wearing my hair natural

    Liked by 1 person

  23. What a powerful narrative, a needed insight on a conflict that I didn’t think or – more appropriately, sorely uninformed on!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hey there! I appreciate you reading and being open to my experience. And I’m glad it shed some light on the struggle of some women, also. Its not always easy to embrace naturalness in a world where everything artificial is glorified. Not one compliment or smile I’ve received since going natural has went unnoticed. Today I took a break from the natural and wore my extensions. The difference in treatment was astounding. However, so was the difference in how little I cared this time around :). PS – I saw you on Instagram, also :D. I followed back!

      Liked by 1 person

      • What a sad testament, it the artificial that elicits digust from me in that I ALWAYS associate it with some degree of self hatred rather than a wholesale embracing of the godliness that is part and parcel of us.

        Keep shining sister, be royalty, be melaninated, be powerful!

        Liked by 2 people

        • You’re so right. Very often the artificial IS associated with some degree of self-hatred. The most beautiful thing that we can do for those who are struggling with self-love is to empower them with compassion, patience, knowledge and understanding. So don’t let their lack of self love disgust you King. Let it instead move you to a deeper place of love :)

          Liked by 2 people

  24. Reblogged this on Journal Edge and commented:
    Article Source: mindjobusiness.com

    Liked by 1 person

  25. I love this. I am now three years into my natural state. Chopped mine off with a friend. Then was scared to death to step out into this world and let everyone else see what I did. And of course there were the few who just didn’t understand and asked what product did I put in my hair to get it to look like THAT! I DO love my hair, but only at certain times. When it does what I want it to do (which definitely isn’t all the time). It’s been quite a journey, a crazy love-hate relationship. And the Black women who’s hair I admire, they are the same ones who tell me they love mine. It’ll take time. It takes A TON of patience, but good luck on your journey.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I love that you stopped by! Three years into your natural state and you are still experiencing a struggle at times. That lets me know that I can relax and stop waiting for some magical day of complete 100% love for my hair to arrive. It does feel like a love-hate relationships. And there are times where I even choose not to go places, from feeling uncomfortable. I appreciate you sharing your experience and please don’t be a stranger! :)

      Liked by 1 person

  26. One thing I learned from my three very handsome brothers is that confidence is sexy! It may have not been the hair change that made you feel invisible. It my have been lack of confidence in your natural hair.
    I struggled with my natural hair journey also. It took lots of time to figure out what to do with hair that I hadn’t seen since my childhood. Not only had I not seen it, I never learned to take care of it on my own. But, I stuck with it and now my hair can do what I too thought it couldn’t.
    Healthy natural hair can do whatever you like it to. It just takes time to learn to take care of it. Hang in there! You’re beautiful with straight hair or natural hair……….

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m definitely starting to see how importance confidence is and how much of a difference it makes in feeling visible. You and your brothers are absolutely right!

      I completely understand what you mean about not having seen it/care for it in so long. Its like someone handing you this delicacy without an instruction manual lol.

      Thank you so much for the kind words and encouragement sis. I can’t wait to fully embrace this head of mine and I’m glad you’ve learned to do exactly that!

      Liked by 1 person

  27. Dear African Girl // March 1, 2017 at 1:36 pm // Reply

    Ahh goodness!! I can totally relate to the furastrations. I used to keep my hair under weaves and braids for years. The thought of leaving home with my hair “Not done” was simply unimaginable. I only started paing attenition to my hair when it started trending and I took care of it. Now I miss it when I have a weave. lol All the best. I Know you’ll love it too. we must love our hair, cause nobody else’s can do what ours can.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I love how we were both inspired by the same trend lol! I recently put extensions in my hair (for V-Day) and I felt miserable. I missed my hair so much that I took it out within a week! I love that you can relate (makes me feel less confused) lol. You’re right in that our hair is so unique. I love the encouragement, thank you! :)

      Like

  28. Love the article! And it’s such a silent struggle. Spending countless hours saving screenshots of new styles and convinced that they would come out exactly the way they looked. But we know the game. It takes WORK. Thanks for highlighting the struggle, and making it known that even though natural is “trending”, it doesn’t mean we’re happy all the time doing it. Not for the faint of heart. But that was the time that I had the most emotional growth, in finding my beauty within myself and trusting my gut that this was for me and no one else. We are NOT our hair.

    Liked by 1 person

    • “We are not our hair” – I love it! The screenshot process is so real, isn’t it?! lol. My Pinterest is flooded with images of styles that my hair is no where near capable of mimicking lol. It definitely takes a lot of work, patience and time to love and appreciate your natural hair when you’ve rejected it for so long. And I love that so many women, like yourself are mentioning the emotional growth that comes with this process because its an amazing one that we should share with each other. Thank you so much for the love and support! Hopefully you will stop by again :D

      Liked by 1 person

  29. dailylearner // May 31, 2017 at 10:23 pm // Reply

    i felt this way before , its so hard to style such kinky hair. when i shaved mine all off i felt even more exposed but slowly i started to feel confidence creeping on in and i fully accepted it. but i understand this feeling

    Liked by 1 person

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