The day that I became content in my solitude was easily the best day of my life. Not because I retired my desire for love or a relationship; but because I no longer sacrificed my dignity and happiness to be in one. Does this mean that my latest attempts at dating have been seamless?
[insert laughter and glass of wine here]
Clearly God still plans his vacation time around my dating life. What I can say is that any lapse in judgement I’ve had while dating, has been in an attempt to please myself rather than someone else. And that, my friends is what I call progress!
No longer am I compromising my needs for the sake of an uncommitted party. With that being said, please allow me to reintroduce myself to my ex who claims:
#1: It’s Not That Deep
Quite the contrary sir; dating me is deep (or at least it should be). And the fact that you think it’s not, might be the problem. There’s a reason why I don’t hear from you until after dark. Or why the only time we “go out” is when we’re walking from your front door to my car.
You choosing to ignore the reason for this doesn’t negate the fact that one exists. But somewhere between my turning 30 anxieties and learning my worth, I determined that I deserve more than surface level interactions and minimal effort. So forgive me as I turn down your midnight invitation to cuddle and watch movies on your couch. It’s not personal…no more than our relationship, that is.
#2: You’re Acting Brand New
You’re absolutely right and thank you for noticing! I’m no longer interested in spending my time the way that you offer it. But if this is how you respond to me cultivating self-respect, one of two things are happening: either I’m doing something right…or you’re still not.
I don’t care when I developed a standard or preference; it’s mine and I have the right to own it. Last time I checked, growth and development didn’t have an expiration date. So excuse me while I cash in on mine.
#3: You Haven’t Changed At All
Completely opposite of #2 and yet equally annoying. You must have assumed that taking a “leave of absence” from me would result in me lowering the standards that I do have. To get that old thang back, I presume?
Congratulations, you played yourself. Not only did I maintain those standards, but I also developed a few new ones during your time off (refer to #2 if necessary). Along with new standards, I also developed a lack of trust and minimized respect for you. So, if you thought you needed a break from me before…let me just build you a door to walk out of this time.
#4: That’s Why You’re Still Single
Survey says…that is false. I’m still single because I kept giving you the benefit of the doubt. I’m single because I made you a priority over myself. I’m single because it took me all of my 20’s to realize my worth. I’m single because I didn’t develop standards until after I met you. I’m single because I keep turning down dates for my Firestick. I’m single because I refuse to drive to your
bed house after working an 11 hour shift. I’m single because I won’t allow you to make me feel guilty for that.
#5: …And Will Stay Single
Welp, I might have to agree with you on that one.
Now that I’m choosing quality over quantity, it’s getting down to slim pickings. And seeing how I’m not the only woman who’s come to her senses, the dating scene has turned into Love and Hip Hop: The Hunger Games. So with that being said, I might just end up choosing singledom…forever.
Seriously! Why not?! I love spending quality time with myself. Had you been willing to do the same, maybe you would understand why. One thing is for certain, I have nothing to gain from exchanging my peaceful solo dates for your pantie-plotting ones. At least I treat myself to a good time before trying to smash. But know this…if I end up single, it will be because I made the choice to be.
You were right about one thing though…”you don’t need this.” So before you reach back out to me, please do us both a favor and don’t.
How do YOU handle resurfacing exes?