To The One Who Claims I’m “Acting Brand New”

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The day that I became content in my solitude was easily the best day of my life.  Not because I retired my desire for love or a relationship; but because I no longer sacrificed my dignity and happiness to be in one.  Does this mean that my latest attempts at dating have been seamless?


[insert laughter and glass of wine here]

Clearly God still plans his vacation time around my dating life.  What I can say is that any lapse in judgement I’ve had while dating, has been in an attempt to please myself rather than someone else.  And that, my friends is what I call progress!

No longer am I compromising my needs for the sake of an uncommitted party.  With that being said, please allow me to reintroduce myself to my ex who claims:

#1: It’s Not That Deep


Quite the contrary sir; dating me is deep (or at least it should be).  And the fact that you think it’s not, might be the problem.  There’s a reason why I don’t hear from you until after dark.  Or why the only time we “go out” is when we’re walking from your front door to my car.

You choosing to ignore the reason for this doesn’t negate the fact that one exists.  But somewhere between my turning 30 anxieties and learning my worth, I determined that I deserve more than surface level interactions and minimal effort.  So forgive me as I turn down your midnight invitation to cuddle and watch movies on your couch.  It’s not personal…no more than our relationship, that is.

#2: You’re Acting Brand New


You’re absolutely right and thank you for noticing! I’m no longer interested in spending my time the way that you offer it.  But if this is how you respond to me cultivating self-respect, one of two things are happening: either I’m doing something right…or you’re still not.

I don’t care when I developed a standard or preference; it’s mine and I have the right to own it.  Last time I checked, growth and development didn’t have an expiration date.  So excuse me while I cash in on mine.

#3: You Haven’t Changed At All

Completely opposite of #2 and yet equally annoying.  You must have assumed that taking a “leave of absence” from me would result in me lowering the standards that I do have.   To get that old thang back, I presume?


Congratulations, you played yourself.  Not only did I maintain those standards, but I also developed a few new ones during your time off (refer to #2 if necessary).  Along with new standards, I also developed a lack of trust and minimized respect for you.  So, if you thought you needed a break from me before…let me just build you a door to walk out of this time.

#4: That’s Why You’re Still Single


Survey says…that is false. I’m still single because I kept giving you the benefit of the doubt.  I’m single because I made you a priority over myself.  I’m single because it took me all of my 20’s to realize my worth.  I’m single because I didn’t develop standards until after I met you.  I’m single because I keep turning down dates for my Firestick.  I’m single because I refuse to drive to your bed house after working an 11 hour shift.  I’m single because I won’t allow you to make me feel guilty for that.

#5: …And Will Stay Single

Welp, I might have to agree with you on that one.


Now that I’m choosing quality over quantity, it’s getting down to slim pickings. And seeing how I’m not the only woman who’s come to her senses, the dating scene has turned into Love and Hip Hop: The Hunger Games.  So with that being said, I might just end up choosing singledom…forever.


Seriously!  Why not?! I love spending quality time with myself.  Had you been willing to do the same, maybe you would understand why.  One thing is for certain, I have nothing to gain from exchanging my peaceful solo dates for your pantie-plotting ones.  At least I treat myself to a good time before trying to smash.  But know this…if I end up single, it will be because I made the choice to be.

You were right about one thing though…”you don’t need this.”  So before you reach back out to me, please do us both a favor and don’t.

 How do YOU handle resurfacing exes?

heart Nosy Josie

About nosy josie (88 Articles)
Josie is an aspiring writer living in Chicago Illinois, inspiring self-love through her own tragicomic life journey. Follow Josie as she details her collection of dating fails, life lessons and heart-to-heart confessions with her nosy readers.

45 Comments on To The One Who Claims I’m “Acting Brand New”

  1. Eww. Good riddance!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. That Cardi B KILLED me the first time I saw it! I was like, look at this heffa here!
    Anyway, take it from your Auntie Lady G, when you hear jokers talking this kind of talk you need to run like hell!
    I’m being very serious!
    It will not get better; at least no time soon! He’d really have a whole lot of growing up to do which will take so many years and baby you don’t have that kind of time to waste.
    Focus on yourself, your career and your business! Experience things! That right one is most likely going to notice you while you’re having the time of your life!
    Remember, always be AS busy, if not busier than he is! Men love that :) LOL!!!
    Auntie G is signing off! 💋

    Liked by 4 people

  3. TheFallibleQueen // March 17, 2017 at 11:05 pm // Reply

    I mainly don’t respond to texts but if I do I say that simply put I am focusing on my relationship with God and that’s my priority for the time being.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. ashleytoldyoublog // March 17, 2017 at 11:22 pm // Reply

    This was everything!!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Well, I’m more on the side of people typically do not change. So, if the break up was because he was just mean or a cheater….well, he probably still is. So, I feel you should let sleeping dogs lie. Some people deserve a second, but not everyone. This isn’t a revolving door, good day, sir. 😂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Omg I live by that saying “this isn’t a revolving door.” I actually just used it above when replying to Lady G.

      I’m definitely with you. I think once you hit a certain age, you become more set in your ways. I know I have some ugly traits thay the I wont shake…my hope is to find someone who’s flaws are compatible with mine (not to change mel lol.


  6. No time for f*ck boys!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Yes! Hear, hear!

    I tried the break up to make up ONE TIME and realized that … exes are exes for a reason. Or a few good reasons. So glad you know your worth and value your time enough to not give losers like this second and third runs anymore.

    There is humor in all this truth. Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lol @ a few good reasons. You can say that again! And that includes myself. My hope is to make sure that my “ugly” is compatible with yours 😂. Not to redo a crappy experience. If it didnt work before, what has changed to make it work now?

      I’m glad you found the humor in this because I drenched this in it 😅😅.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Take that! And that! And another thing….! One of two things did happen: you let him have it! Lolol Oooh, guurrl. I am so proud of you!!!!! 😊
    An “ex” is an ex for a reason. 🎵 signed, sealed, delivered. I’m NOT yours! When I call it quits, I’m done. I don’t answer calls, messages or get together as “friends.” No need. My new boo is not going to have it and I don’t want to deal with the jealousy drama from their new boo, so 🎵bye, bye, bye, bye. LOL And to make sure they know where we stand, I pack up all their things, mail it or drop it off at their front door. 🎵Yes, it’s over. Call it a day. Sorry it had to end this way. 😂😂😂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you thank you! haha. Your opening sentence describes perfectly how I was feeling when I wrote this. In my Patti Labelle voice *why’d it have to end this wayyyyy*

      Liked by 1 person

      • LMAO Now, in your Gloria Gaynor voice, saaang it Gurl……
        Go on now, go walk out the door
        Just turn around now
        ‘Cause you’re not welcome anymore
        Weren’t you the one who tried to break me with goodbye?
        Did you think I’d crumble?
        Did you think I’d lay down and die?
        Oh no not I, I will survive 😛😉😄

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Reblogged this on allinthenameoflove blog and commented:
    🎵 Giving him something he can feel…

    Liked by 1 person

  10. This sounds like something every youung woman should read in their early teens. I’ll be sitting here sipping tea waiting for that book to come out.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. tunisiajolyn84 // April 9, 2017 at 9:20 pm // Reply

    Is there a palm tree behind me? Because I feel this sudden cool breeze from all the shade you are presenting. Love this and the shade! You betta tell em.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Ugh, number 4 is one of the worst things you can say to a single person. I hate it. Are we expected to lower our standards so we aren’t single anymore. I’d rather be single forever than settle just so I’m not single anymore.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Exactly! I can’t imagine being happy, truly happy with someone who I lowered my standards for. You know? I don’t know how people do that. I may been lonely at times by myself, but being compromising in ways that I don’t want to would be even worse. 😤


  13. This is superb. I like your stance… and absolutely loved these lines…”I don’t care when I developed a standard or preference; it’s mine and I have the right to own it.  Last time I checked, growth and development didn’t have an expiration date.  So excuse me while I cash in on mine.”

    Liked by 1 person

    • haha! Thank you. I think I was feeling rather sassy this day. My biggest pet peeve in dating is when men try to challenge my “brand new attitude” as if its a bad thing. It doesn’t accommodate their interest in taking advantage of my lack of self-love, that’s all. *eyeroll*

      Liked by 1 person

  14. I ABSOLUTELY LOVED THIS!! I could definitely relate! By the way how do you get GIFS to move lol when I try and add them to my posts the come out as pics lol

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Well.. DAMN.. Yes sis, you said that!!! This was so relatable. On top of it being relatable I was also cheering you on from the sidelines. Now thats a GROWN WOMAN. #magicofawoman

    Liked by 1 person

  16. This is awesome! Love your use of gif’s too!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Absolutely loved this post! Thanks for reminding me I’m not alone!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. This post is everything! It kind of reminded of a similar situation I had recently and I had to give him the ‘allow me to reintroduce myself’ technique. The thing is once we realize our worth and understand what we deserve we become unstoppable. And if we have to be unstoppable and single then so be it!

    Liked by 1 person

    • LMAO @ “allow me to reintroduce myself” technique. Oh my goodness, I love that SO much and wish I would have used it for the title Lol! But those last two sentences?? I almost gave you a standing ovation! The moment that I was content with being unstoppable while single was the true solidifying moment that I knew I had finally realized my worth. But the cool thing is that sometimes we feel like we know our worth until we reach another phase or chapter in our lives that results in the redefining of that worth once AGAIN. Because I swore that I knew my worth before THIS lol. So, I’m looking forward to new revelations! Has this happened to you before? lol. Thank you for sharing and contributing =D


  19. This post is life and so relevant to my current situation. I honestly loved it so much I read it twice.

    Liked by 1 person

    • haha! I love love love hearing that! Thank you so much for putting a smile on my face today. I’m nearly a month late with replying so I hope your situation has been resolved because it is not a fun one to be in lol. Let me know the updates! <3

      Liked by 1 person

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