5 Truths about Your Heartbreak

Posted on August 24, 2015

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Having your heart broken can be such a humbling experience.  Once the initial sadness and anger pass, you’re left with this dreadfully loud, answer-seeking silence.  Usually I like being in my own head (such an entertaining place to be), but this silence is the worst. It forces this unfavorable self-check; one that makes you assume some responsibility for what’s happened to you…and who really wants to do that?    The only upside to having your heart broken is working the role of the “victim” and claiming your “victim” benefits.

As an unfortunate regular, I must say that I love my perks.  You get showered with hugs and sympathy.  You gain a “we hate him too” crew.  You receive pity drinks at the bar… Yes, I love it all.  Now, did any of these perks help me move on with my life? No.  Did they help me avoid repeating the same mistakes? Not at all.  They just kept me vulnerable and made me comfortable in my low place.

But when I encountered the biggest heartbreak of my adult life, all I wanted to do was get out of that low place.  And I couldn’t do that by milking my perks.  I had to face those annoying self-checks and come to terms with:

FIVE TRUTHS ABOUT YOUR HEARTBREAK: 

1PEOPLE WILL DO WHAT YOU ALLOW THEM TO DO.
When you found out that you could get away with being 5 minutes late to work, what happened? Did 5 minutes turn into 10 minutes the next time? Did the next time turn into all of the time? When your grandmother agreed to babysit for that one emergency you had, how many more “emergencies” did you suddenly find yourself having?  When your landlord overlooked your late rent last month, how did you subconsciously adjust your grace period?  We love to test our limits; especially if it allows us to get something for nothing.  And if the repercussion wasn’t strong enough the first time, we keep pushing.

The only reason they were able to play tag or hide-and-seek with their presence in your life is because you played back.  The only reason that they were able to hit and run is because you kept turning back the sheets. The only reason they were able to take without giving is because you didn’t require an exchange. 

2THE TRUTH IS OFTEN THE ONE IN FRONT OF YOU.
Not liking the story in front of you doesn’t make it any less real.  No matter how much energy you put into making it sound logical, you can’t edit the truth.  You shouldn’t have to over-complicate the story to make it work out in your favor.  Its never that complicated.  How much time are you spending explaining the situation to others or to yourself, even?  Your explanation shouldn’t include a “but”, “if” or “because” every other sentence.  

3YOU ARE NOT THE RIGHT ONE FOR EVERYONE.
Most of us think pretty highly of ourselves.  We have so much to offer someone, how could we not be right for them?  Our ego gives us the illusion that we are the only ones to offer what we offer.  But there are a lot of amazing people out here (thank goodness, or else we would be screwed)!  Your combination of “amazing” may not be the one that unlocks their heart.  And even if it is…

4THEY HAVE TO BE THE ONE TO SEE YOU AS “THE RIGHT ONE”.
You might find it undeniable how perfectly you fit into each others life.  You’re a big talker and they’re a great listener.  You both prefer Netflix over the theater.  You like to spend money and they’re great at saving it.  You both share a passion for music and the arts. You cook, (s)he eat.  I get it.  The weaknesses and negative traits that you two have may work to each others advantage perfectly.  But you can’t be the only one to see that. 

5IF IT DOESN’T FEEL HEALTHY, THEN IT PROBABLY ISN’T.
You shouldn’t spend more time crying than laughing.  Or more time mourning than celebrating. If you can count the good times on one hand,  then something might be wrong.  If the relationship makes you question yourself more than appreciate yourself, something might be wrong.  If you find yourself conjuring up ways to make them “see” you, or trust you, something might be wrong.  Healthy relationships don’t require you to manipulate them or the people in it.

What truth did you have to accept in order to move on?

heart Nosy Josie

About nosy josie (88 Articles)
Josie is an aspiring writer living in Chicago Illinois, inspiring self-love through her own tragicomic life journey. Follow Josie as she details her collection of dating fails, life lessons and heart-to-heart confessions with her nosy readers.

63 Comments on 5 Truths about Your Heartbreak

  1. L. Rorschach // August 24, 2015 at 1:51 pm // Reply

    Great advice. Too true.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. MS Blog Diva // August 24, 2015 at 1:52 pm // Reply

    I had to accept the fact that ignoring my gut feelings only got me kicked in my gut. 😡

    Liked by 1 person

    • nosyjosie // August 24, 2015 at 2:06 pm // Reply

      Women have some of the strongest intuition I’ve ever seen. Yet its so hard for us to accept what we know. We want so badly to be wrong, don’t we? Do you still ignore your gut feelings or have things changed?

      Liked by 1 person

      • MS Blog Diva // August 24, 2015 at 10:21 pm // Reply

        Things have changed for sure. My gut feeling makes me physically sick to the point that I can’t ignore it. I guess I’ve learned my lesson…finally.

        Liked by 1 person

        • nosyjosie // August 25, 2015 at 10:38 am //

          I bet its because all of those memories that you associate with ignoring your gut feeling start to rise to the surface when you try ignoring it again. At least that’s what happens for me – its like watching a movie replay lol. It may take a while to learn our lesson…we just want to fight and fight and fight for what we really want (something IS admirable about THAT). But we have to know that not everything we want is good for us. Glad you learned -better late than never. Thank you for sharing too! Hope to see you around here more :)

          Liked by 1 person

  3. christiepage "pando pandemonium" // August 24, 2015 at 2:49 pm // Reply

    Josie!!!!!!!!!! I love this, I am reading it every single day! This spoke to me, especially now!! Thank you thank you thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

    • nosyjosie // August 24, 2015 at 2:51 pm // Reply

      Aw, thank you! That means so much to me. This is how I feel when I read your posts – now you know lol. I was very open and transparent about something very personal to me and I found myself becoming more and more comfortable with the reality of my situation as I wrote about it. I hope it does you some good also :)

      Liked by 1 person

  4. hallenterprises132 // August 24, 2015 at 3:06 pm // Reply

    If there is ANY physical abuse, RUN FAR AWAY NOW! before it is too late. My aunt lived threw years of getting her jaw broken multiple times, losing a child to husband caused miscarriage. (Beating a pregnant woman can cause that.) loss of home and what little self esteem she had.

    Make sure you can defend yourself. Keep a metal flashlight with a couple of “D” cells in it. (doesn’t matter if they have a charge. Just the added weight can help knock someone’s lights out in selfdefense!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. freebryd // August 24, 2015 at 7:10 pm // Reply

    Ugh! I’m forced to think about the past now haha. But,my truth is that I allowed someone to control my happiness. I once ignored my gut feelings, all to make someone else happy. I lost my own identity, just to please someone else. I was bent out of shape for a long time with this break up. But, I can accept my part in this…now! :-)

    Liked by 1 person

    • nosyjosie // August 25, 2015 at 10:43 am // Reply

      Ms Blog Diva (http://msblogdiva.com/) and I were just talking about that gut feeling and how harmful it can be when we ignore it. Isn’t it crazy how dedicated you can be to someone else when you’re in love with them and yet you’ve known yourself longer? Trust me, it took me a LONG time to accept my part too. I’ve been feeling a lot better since I wrote this post but I’m hoping that feeling isn’t temporary. Has accepting your part helped you get over things entirely?

      Liked by 1 person

      • freebryd // August 25, 2015 at 12:32 pm // Reply

        Honestly, I still think about this relationship from time to time. Not that I’m missing the individual or anything, but simply because I literally gave this relationship everything in me. I lost myself with making sure someone else’s happiness came before my own. With that being said, I have not completely been able to get over it. I admit that I am hard on myself. I still think about how things could have been different, if I were to listen to my gut a LONG time ago. I will say that I no longer blame myself. It’s truly a process that led me to knowing more about myself as a woman. I was younger and lacked experience in long-term relationships. Today, I can at least look back on that part of my life, and know that I’m in a better position, mentally and spiritually.

        Like

  6. Jixi Fox // August 24, 2015 at 9:25 pm // Reply

    Real Sh*t… I feel this -> A+

    Liked by 1 person

  7. thgiwd // August 24, 2015 at 10:53 pm // Reply

    Heartbreak always teaches a valuable lesson, regardless in life the one constant in you. What I’ve learned from heartbreak you can’t predict the future so just enjoy the here and now, emotions that people can feel for you can change and you have no control over that. If someone wants to be with you they will and if not they wont.

    Even the best actors sometimes choose a horrible script and no matter how great their performance it still ends in a flop and a burden from carrying the film. Same with relationships, I’ve just learned to not let bad relationships and heartbreak define me. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without being gutted or having to go through what I went through.

    Great post by the way

    Like

    • nosyjosie // August 25, 2015 at 11:05 am // Reply

      Goodness, that’s so powerful. It truly is your experiences that have helped shaped you into the person that you are today. A lot of the good things that I love about myself have come from those experiences, in fact. It gives me some solace to know remember that emotions are flaky – and it may not always be at my fault that someone’s heart changes. I’m going to try to remember that I can only control my present actions and thoughts – not those to come OR not those of others. I love your feedback always, thank you for sharing and I’m glad you enjoyed the post!

      Like

      • thgiwd // August 25, 2015 at 8:28 pm // Reply

        You can do all the maintenance, top up all the fluids and drive smoothly for 4000 miles and everything is going great and the exit before your destination your car breaks down unexpectedly. You have no control over the car breaking down as you did your part just that sometimes that destination we have in our mind is not the best for us.

        I can think back to like the first girl I loved or cared about deeply it ended ub heartbreak but I can think back hey if she never ended it I probably would have married her and not have this life I have now wipes brow.

        You can’t predict the future, you can do everything for someone be there through thick and thin, have chemistry like snoop and dre on a song but in the end it means nothing.

        It’s just hard like you mentioned in terms of the investment, you invest so much, sacrifice in ways you never did for anyone else, loved like you never did before and it all comes crashing down like pillars on Samson. And not only are those years gone now, it could take months or even years to get back to a place where you are you again and then you have to start right over, dating in unfamilar territory etc. etc. , at least with an ex no matter how horrible they may have been you have that familiarity, that routine. And a large part of heartbreak is that ending of the routine.

        Liked by 1 person

        • nosyjosie // August 27, 2015 at 3:59 am //

          Nooooooo lie. That routine is comforting in itself – even when the behaviors are hurtful…the routine brings comfort. You’re right…the hardest part is ending that. I allowed a routine because it was so familiar and I would have rather had the familiar than the unknown. I think that’s what hurt the most from this heartbreak. I lost what I thought I knew – and even though what I knew was still bad…I received comfort in the known. You know what I mean?

          Like

  8. FW // August 24, 2015 at 11:38 pm // Reply

    Every point you make is so true…. Sometimes they are hard to accept though.

    Like

  9. FW // August 24, 2015 at 11:39 pm // Reply

    Reblogged this on Looking through a frosty window… and commented:
    Great post from one my fav bloggers.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. tpcsufian // August 25, 2015 at 7:58 am // Reply

    Thanks! I think this post actually allowed me to understand a little more about my relationship with my ex ended the way it did. Although I’m the whole package and he still didn’t want me, it doesn’t mean I’m disaffected. :)

    Like

    • nosyjosie // August 25, 2015 at 11:10 am // Reply

      LoL you better say that! You are definitely the whole package – we all are the whole package for someone, I believe. One thing that THGIWD (http://thoughtsfromd.com/) was saying a few comments above is that sometimes people’s emotions and feelings change. So although your ex is feeling a certain way now, its possible that in the future those feelings might change again. You never know – so its best not to even bother predicting and just do what you do best while you have the chance. I’m glad the post helped you, because writing it definitely helped me. I wish I could have shared more details on what actually happened but I felt that was less important lol. Thanks for sharing and I really hope to see you here more often as well!

      Liked by 1 person

  11. herbreakingpoint // August 25, 2015 at 11:38 am // Reply

    LOVED THIS!! “you can’t edit the truth” woaaah #fact on to reblog!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. herbreakingpoint // August 25, 2015 at 11:39 am // Reply

    Reblogged this on Her Breaking Point and commented:
    #authenticitee #reblogathon <3 this post…"you can't edit the truth." #life

    Liked by 1 person

  13. thejamielea // August 25, 2015 at 4:28 pm // Reply

    Reblogged this on Just Jamie and commented:
    #1 PEOPLE WILL DO WHAT YOU ALLOW THEM TO DO…
    It’s hard to stop playing victim and face the facts. I applaud you for facing these truths, and for sharing. This blog reminded me in so many ways of my last breakup. Loved it! Great job girl!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Chelita Linda // August 25, 2015 at 8:29 pm // Reply

    This was great read and I agreed with all of it. I had my heart crushed one and it was devastating, but I had to pull it together and practice radical acceptance in order to heal, learn, and move on.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Jontae Grace // August 26, 2015 at 9:31 am // Reply

    I love this one, especially #3. I always attract good women, but oftentimes, it’s not the right type for me. Le Struggle lol

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Jackeeluvz // August 26, 2015 at 6:03 pm // Reply

    Awesome article! Like who CAN’T relate to this?!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. BecHanson // August 29, 2015 at 7:49 pm // Reply

    Thanks Josie, great post, you pretty much nailed it, healthy self-reflection is a great way to move forward as opposed to negative self-talk where you just put yourself down. I have to admit I’ve learned from all my heart breaks, might even get it right one day!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Anonymous // August 30, 2015 at 8:19 am // Reply

    Good morning. I have to admit that this has to be the most clear cut, concise and truthful blog regarding relationships (mine) that I’ve ever read! Everyone’s comments are relatable. My heart is so heavy and I feel all broken inside. I wish the pain would go away. I know that I need to end this relationship before it ends me. I get a ton of support from friends and family. I just keep hoping against hope, is all. I have been working on myself but it’s so hard!

    Liked by 1 person

    • nosyjosie // August 30, 2015 at 10:40 am // Reply

      I wish the support from family and friends were enough to fix a heartbreak, but it rarely does the trick, does it (any friends reading, please close your eyes lol). You have two big things working in your favor though; knowing what you need to do and having already put forth the effort to do it (imagine if you were still in denial about your situation! ahh! =O). The only things you need now are CONTINUED strength and time – THAT’S definitely manageable since you’ve already gotten a head-start on the strength. Its nothing abnormal about still hoping…or crying…nothing that took months or years to damage, can be repaired overnight, you know? I swear, getting over a heartbreak feels like you’re going through withdrawals… your body, mind and heart have all of these “negative” or painful reactions to your attempt to cleanse yourself of the mess that’s been built up for so long. So it makes you feel like you’re going about things wrong (sometimes makes you want to reconsider the relationship as a quick fix)…but really you’re doing just fine. You just have to keep up with the self-love treatment and give it time to work itself in. I love that you’ve been trying to work on you…that means you know you are worth more than your relationship. Go you ;)

      Like

  19. kelley // March 10, 2016 at 10:38 pm // Reply

    You can’t edit the truth. What??! Yes yes yes yes yes yes and yes!

    I love this. As somewhat of an optimistic cupid, I may be a little hard on myself when relationships don’t work out. I do understand that I wasn’t the only one in this thing. I get that while he may be to blame for certain things, I’m responsible for my actions as well. This really goes for all relationships, from business to family.

    Many people don’t take the time to reflect on their “faults” and adjust accordingly before they jump into something new and wonder why they keep getting the same ending.

    Great post! Thank you for the link.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Anonymous // April 11, 2016 at 8:18 pm // Reply

    Wow! This is spot on! Beautifully and powerfully said. I can so relate and this is really helpful! Looove your outlook and clarity!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • nosyjosie // April 12, 2016 at 11:48 pm // Reply

      Thank you! I’m so glad you could relate – we gotta start/keep sharing our experiences with each other (and lessons) so that we can help each other get over them and change them. Because truthfully, I would go crazy if I felt I was the only one dealing with certain situations.

      Like

  21. tunisiajolyn84 // October 23, 2016 at 5:02 pm // Reply

    Love, love, love. And this is perfect: “…you can’t edit the truth.” Sometimes, it’s so hard to face truth especially in this right vs. wrong world we live in. This ideology often does not lend a gray area where both parties can participate in the heartache, even though that is always the case. And I actually did a little dance at my desk when I read the first one because I feel like that is one priceless piece of advice that oftentimes go unnoticed. Whatever we let the other person do to us, we have to take responsibility for because we allowed it. It’s hard to admit but freeing once accepted.

    Liked by 1 person

    • nosyjosie // November 6, 2016 at 8:54 am // Reply

      A-Men! I’m so sorry for my late reply but I’ve been swamped. That accountability is no joke. We take it so lightly but like you said- it’s freeing. If implemented carefully, it holds the key to complete understanding and ultimately happiness.

      Liked by 1 person

      • tunisiajolyn84 // November 6, 2016 at 12:50 pm // Reply

        Oh no problem with the lateness of your reply. I understand being busy. I don’t know how I keep up with my five posts a week. And, I concur with you!

        Liked by 1 person

        • nosyjosie // November 18, 2016 at 9:46 pm //

          Let me tell you – I was just thinking that I totally admire your blog consistency. I DONT know how you do it but you always deliver and with such quality! Are you on a posting schedule or do you just freestyle it?

          Liked by 1 person

        • tunisiajolyn84 // November 19, 2016 at 9:44 pm //

          Aw thank you so much! That’s very kind of you to say that. Umm… well blog consistency is something I’m actively learning how to master because it hasn’t been my strong suit. I’ve had plenty of blogs before this one and I always got to a point where I couldn’t write anything else or writer’s block was just too much and I couldn’t get past it. I even took a break with this blog for months but this time, I held onto it and didn’t quit. As far as a posting schedule, I try to get most of my posts written before the week starts but of course, that doesn’t always work out or I have to change articles due to whatever is happening. So I guess it’s kinda like a structured freestyle?? lol

          Liked by 1 person

        • nosyjosie // November 23, 2016 at 10:38 am //

          same problem here! I feel like you can start writing a piece and then the mood of the world changes and the piece becomes …. less urgent or relevant. And the longer I go without writing, the harder it is to come back. Its like…I forget how or something. I understand the value of consistency for that reason, if nothing else. But at that point it starts to feel a lot like work. And that’s when the blogging loses me. Grrr…its frustrating

          Liked by 1 person

        • tunisiajolyn84 // November 23, 2016 at 7:23 pm //

          I know all about that. And then you wonder why you’re doing this for. One thing that helps me get out of that feeling is changing my layout. It then feels like a brand new endeavor even when it’s not. Plus, it’s just fun! (At least for me hehe)

          Liked by 1 person

        • nosyjosie // November 25, 2016 at 12:30 am //

          that honestly is a great idea. Even if not the layout, changing something period would be refreshing. A new addition…or new project. Hmmmm :D

          Liked by 1 person

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